Stand Up For Yourself to Yourself

One of the on-going challenges with behavior change is to keep going no matter what. The distractions of daily life, work, family, hobbies, disappointments and stress among others things inevitably get in the way to a greater or lesser degree.

When we are very clear about what we want, we are far more likely to follow through on what it takes to get it.  The inevitable set backs along the way will then appear like minor distractions instead of major problems.  We can then just keep going. 

Unfortunately, even in the best circumstances, we encounter coworkers, friends or family who aren't on the same page.  These people may be well intentioned, but their unhelpful comments, attitude or behavior can make our efforts feel a whole lot harder.  It's not fair, but it is real.  It is at holiday times, celebrations and special occasions when we could benefit from a cheerleading squad not detractors. 

Time to return to what is in the heart, i.e. what really matters.  Time to revisit why staying the course is a worthwhile pursuit.  Time to remember how far you've come, and how much you don't want to lose traction.  Time to give yourself some wiggle room, but not let yourself off the hook.  Time to remember that when others want you to do something you don't, you can stand up for yourself to yourself and then say an emphatic "no thank you." 

The more often we practice getting what we really want, the more we are likely to get it.  This life comes along but once, and it is our privilege, opportunity, job and daily grind to get the most out of it.  Happiness, contentment, self esteem, confidence, positivity all come from cultivating them.  That's the best life worth living. 

Transform Negative Thoughts to Positive Ones

Shifting mindset is a major player when it comes to succeeding at behavior change.  We can actually shift what we are thinking when we stop in our tracks and realize that our thoughts may not be based in reality.  That is to say, we can replace unhelpful thoughts with helpful ones.  A common unhelpful thought starts with "I can never do...."  or "I am always late for...." or "This is just the way I am..."   Not true, not even close to true.

The reason why this is worth considering is that the mind is hardwired to spin, constantly, with thoughts.  Take that along with the fact that 50% of your happiness is how you were born, 10% is your circumstance, and 40% is your choice, we might be swimming in negative thinking to our very own detriment.

What if we could flip this equation upside down and refuse to allow negative thoughts to take hold.  Once we realize we have one, we can challenge it with our smart mind and refute it.  For me, going to the grocery store and not looking at candy and chocolate is challenging.  I think about it.  I think about how I am not buying it.  I know where it is.  I remind myself I am not having it.  I feel a bit left out.  I know I can go to the store and not buy the stuff, but I want to go one better.  I want to go to the store and feel victorious.  I want to remind myself how many times (more than I can count since I am in the store 5 days a week) that I haven't succumbed to my old habits.  That makes me stronger than I realize.  Now, I am choosing to remind myself of that.  Voila!  I shifted my mindset.  I turned a negative into a positive.  This is making me feel better not worse and certainly not left out.  Of course, I am not 100% perfect at this, but this is nothing like the problem I used to have with candy every single time I went.

We help our friends with this all the time.  We help our children with this as well.  We break down their negative thoughts and point out why they are not helpful.  We then remind them that they are capable and can go on. We point out their stronger selves.  We benefit from doing this for ourselves.  We feel better, and then we do better.

Bouncing Back is Realistic

Goals are great, but sometimes, no matter how "SMART" they are (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely) we don't always end up where we'd like to be.  That doesn't necessarily mean the goal isn't worthwhile.  It may mean that a moment to regroup or "bounce back" is in order.  This is normal and to be expected throughout the weight loss journey, just like it is normal throughout your family life and your career.

The more I coach adult learners to keep pursuing their healthy lifestyle, the more I realize we all need the reassurance of a "do over."  We give it to our kids.  We encourage them to try, try again until they get where they want to go, but as adults, we often forget that we can do the very same thing.   We just do it for ourselves.

Throughout the day, there are so many thoughts racing through the brain.  Lots of them come in and out so quickly, but sometimes the negative ones take over and keep looping,  It is precisely at those times that we benefit from realizing, we are not at a stopping point but at a regrouping point--or even a pause.  The "pause" is gaining traction in mindfulness circles.  Books are being written about its benefits.  Maybe we are actually at an in between place, i.e. somewhere we don't want to be--but don't know and/or are not ready to move forward.  That's ok too.  Just because we are adults does not mean we have all the answers.  It only means we have all the responsibility for our actions.  Pausing in your mind, pausing in your workout, pausing between inhalation and exhalation makes life worth living.  Consider music--if there were no pauses between notes, it would sound like noise, but because of the breaks, we can enjoy it.

This blogpost is sounding a lot like "what is down is up; and what is up is down."  Being perfect is not a happy pursuit.  Being imperfect and accepting that imperfection, but getting back to goals, dreams, wishes certainly is.  That's what your lovely life is made of, after all.   

SMART Goals Start with the Best of You

Let's revisit the power of setting goals:

S   specific

M  measurable

A   achievable

R   realistic

T   timely

Let's be reminded that SMART goals start with the very best of you.  What you really want--that which comes from the heart IS the very best of you.  It also happens to be why you set goals in the first place.  Wanting more.  Living life more fully.  Feeling more energetic and revitalized.  Embodying more self confidence and self esteem.  These are just some of the reasons we strive for more. 

Wanting more is the start of getting more, but it is not enough to make it happen.  We have to be more clever about this pursuit to stay focused.  This is where having a commitment to yourself that is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely.

For example, saying that you'd like to lose weight before spring break may have sounded good in January, but it's now March.  Spring break is coming fast.  Is this happening?  Are you actually losing?  Did your wish pass the "SMART" test?   Wishing may be the first part of getting-- but it is the very tiniest part.  An actionable plan that checks the SMART boxes is a great way to go.

Finding accountability partners to keep you on track is a big help along the way.  Checking in regularly on how things are going with someone who cares is critical.  Our accountability partners were our parents and teachers when we were growing up.  Now--who are they?  Your spouse?  Your girlfriend?  Your WW leader (YES), your Trainer, your Faith Group?  They can be anyone who cares about a part of you that you care about--and is interested in seeing you succeed. 

If every day is just like the last with the same set of frustrations and missed opportunities and stress, then life is not as rich or rewarding as it could be.  We all benefit from showing up, boldly and proudly, for what we really want.  It takes work.  And that work reaps great rewards.  That really does sound smart!

Reframing Stress

Too much to do and too little time to do it in.  Negative news stories.  Bad weather.  Sickness.  Fatigue.  Expectations.  Frustration.  Anxiety.  Sleeplessness.  These are but a few of the things that contribute to stress.  Stress is not just in our heads.  It is in our bodies too.  When we perceive a threat, our body goes into overdrive to ramp up our fight, flight or freeze response.  Adrenaline and cortisol are the hormones that start racing.  Cortisol helps us crave junk food and retain belly fat.  Being smart and knowing that we are not supposed to eat to manage stress is not enough to keep us from doing it, however.  At that point, the chemistry in the body and our emotions have taken over. 

This sounds practically hopeless, but it is isn't.  We can reframe our stress.  We can prioritize our time so that we don't waste it on things we can't possibly control.  We can get exercise (#1 healthy stress reliever) and take periodic walking breaks throughout the day to reset our equilibrium.  We can activate the stress relief response in the body (deep, meditative breaths in through the nose/out through the nose) to calm down. 

We are all too human, and when it comes to managing busy lives, we can't be perfect, and we can't do the right thing all the time, but we can get better.  When we manage our stress  proactively (exercising before work) or reactively (bad day--need time to shake it off), we are doing something so beneficial for our physical and mental health.  We take the power back.  We are no longer victims of circumstance.  We can see how strong we really are, because we are discovering new, inventive, healthful ways to cope.

This week, consider taking a technology break and see if it helps reduce your stress.  Consider taking time off from reading or watching upsetting news stories.  Make time to engage in hobbies, napping, talking to a friend, taking a walk in the warmer sunshine and see what it does to make you feel like you are in charge.  See what this might do to remind you that you do, in fact, want more from your life.  You do, in fact, deserve to have more in your life.  You can, in fact, manage a bit better, a bit more often, and get what you really want.  That's worth working for!