The Cold, Sharp Knife Edge of Accountability

There is so much advice at your fingertips on how to become your best self, lose those unwanted pounds, stop stressing and start living, get your career into high gear, etc.  Some of this information might even be helpful, but only if you are willing to hold yourself accountable to the advice.  Therein lies the rub.

As adults, there is no one who can make us accountable to ourselves except ourselves.  No one will make us eat our veggies or go to the gym or make our bed.  These things can easily go undone.  It doesn't make us happy or healthy to just "let loose" and do whatever we feel like and skip whatever we don't.  That makes us self indulgent and maybe even lazy.

No matter what your intention--painting a bathroom, cleaning out clutter, organizing your finances, making health and wellness appointments, losing weight or making peace with your past--if you don't make yourself do these things, they never happen.  Days run into weeks, and weeks run into months, and nothing moves forward.  The guilt and frustration of "not showing up" might become your new normal.

NOT OK!  It is not ok to let yourself go and slide into the least interested, least functioning, least engaged version of yourself.  This is not a mental health day I am referring to--this is a wholesale giving up on yourself. 

Yes, it is effort to show up for yourself and your life and follow through, but then come the rewards of keeping your word--to yourself--of practicing self care--of being the person you wish to be.  That's accountability.  Maybe that knife edge I referred to is actually helping you stand up a little straighter and show up a little stronger. 

Why Is It So Hard to Stay Positive?

Most of us naturally are attracted to positive people, just as most of us are repelled by negative people.  It's our human inclination to move towards what feels good and flee from what feels unpleasant.  Unfortunately, we are hard-wired, in our brains, in our DNA, to go to the negative, or the dark side as I like to call it.  Our ancient ancestors survived, literally, survived not getting killed by a predator by anticipating bad things and being ready to flee, fight or bite.  Shift to now and notice that pathway in the brain is well trampled.  When one thing goes wrong, we quickly expect another thing to go wrong.  Our world view is then affirmed--bad things are always happening, and then we stay in that negative, cortisol-filled and adrenalin-fueled place.

The brain work of today is different.  We do not need to anticipate a predator coming to eat us.  We do not benefit from activating the flight/fight/bite response in our bodies.  It doesn't make us happy or healthy.  Instead, we benefit from intentionally fixating our mind on the positive.  We feel better when we do, and we become happier because we don't perceive the world as a threat.  Happier means healthier.  Yes, this is true, happier people who focus on being positive instead of dwelling on being negative are healthier. 

There are so many ways to practice being more positive.  One is to notice nature.  Nature makes us feel better because it is our native habitat.  When we notice colors, smells, sights, sounds, textures in the sky, in fields, in gardens, we feel connected to something bigger than ourselves.  When we take time to slow down and not anticipate a problem, we can be present in the moment and reduce stress.  Whew--no fleeing, fighting or biting.  Instead, we activate the "rest and digest" response in the body.
Even focusing on taking a few deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the nose or mouth can ground us to the moment, flip that rest/digest switch and help us feel better and more hopeful--which is positive.

Does this mean that bad things aren't happening?  No.  Bad things are happening.  Tragic things might even be happening.  But, so are good things.  All of them--all the time--at the same time.

This week, focus your mind on what you want more of, on the goodness, the light, the happiness and see what happens.  It just might make you very modern, very current, very much in the present and of course, happier and healthier. 

Plan for Parties, Picnics, Summer Fun

In Minnesota, the three months of summer whiz by way too quickly.  Each weekend is usually packed with ideas on how to expand the joy outside.  This includes trips "up north" to the lake, staycation weekends, leaving work earlier on Fridays as well as the usual summer celebrations like graduations, showers, weddings, picnics and parties.  We really try to make the most of it, because, after all, we know the other side (six months or more of winter). 

While summer brings the farmers' markets and more fresh, affordable, juicy fruit and veggie options plus more physical activity, that is not nearly enough to offset the extra calories that come with all the extra social occasions that pop up.

We have to have a plan to make this summer go well and still enjoy the fun without overdoing the points.  For starters, when possible, eat as well as you can when you are at home.  Make your meals by taking a short-cut from the grocery store, the salad bar and deli.  Bring fruit and cut up veggies for snacks whenever you go out.  They are hydrating and easy.  Bring lunch to work so that you can avoid running around for extra dollars and calories.  You need to save yourself for bigger treats when you are socializing on your own leisure time.  If possible, when you go to a party, bring your own food to add to the grill or a healthy green salad that you can fill up on--and even a big watermelon. 

These are a few tips I have for making the summer splurges more manageable.  The whole point of this is to have fun and enjoy.  It will be NO fun and NO enjoyment if you spend the summer getting squeezed out of your shorts and feeling uncomfortable or frustrated. Make time to take care of yourself so that you are planning to succeed at parties, picnics all summer long.  That's a win win in the sunshine.

Add Up Your Grateful Moments to be Happier

Last week when I was at my YogaFit Mind Body Conference, I attended a two-day certification about the Psychology of Positivity.  A lot of what I learned I have written about before.  A few things did make me curious.  Firtstly, when people choose to be positive and focus on the good instead of the bad, they actually become healthier. This makes sense to me because this means we are resilient, i.e. we can handle the bows and arrows that life slings without getting hurt.  We can rebound from setbacks.  We do not become embroiled in dark thoughts and the stress that creates.  Stress makes us crave junk food, retain belly fat, sleep poorly, etc.  It also impacts the immune system so that we get sick more easily.

On the other hand, when we train our mind--which we are all capable of--to focus on the good things that are abounding, we create a new pathway in our brain that starts to naturally look for more positive things.  When we go a step further and not only observe the positive things but actually tally the things we are grateful for, we deepen this groove in the brain and amplify the good feelings in the body.  We then naturally expect more good things to come along.  We can let go of life's minor setbacks because we see them as bumps in the road not sink holes.

The other thing I heard in my training was that life is messy, so much so that we should expect it to be messy and let go of the unrealistic expectations that life should be smooth sailing.  This is especially important in weight loss pursuits.  The path to a healthy weight loss and weight maintenance is full of plenty of jagged edges, frustrations, setbacks and recoveries (resilience).  It's just like life.  This means that when "bad" things happen--we can say "oh well," and acknowledge what it is--but not dwell on it--and then let it go.  No one's life is all good all the time OR all bad all the time.  Just like feelings which are always shifting, so too are our circumstances.

This week, to increase your happiness and positivity and good health, consider identifying three good things that you are grateful for.  You might write them in a notebook.  You might remember them and share them.  You might relive the good feelings that come with identifying these things.  This is the brain work we do to help us pursue our goals more easily.  When we are happier, we want more for ourselves.  We expect more for ourselves.   We keep going.