Non Scale Victories and Proud Moments

What would weight loss be like if we only considered ounces or pounds down as a mark of success?  What would the journey feel like if we did everything right but somehow, through no fault of our own, ended up staying the same--or worse--gaining over the course of a week?  It would likely be far more frustrating and defeating than what we'd like. 

Instead, let's consider the fact that there are multiple ways to measure success, improvement, behavior change, attitude adjustment and mindset shift.  By focusing on the many ways we are actually progressing, we remind ourselves that we are not a number.  We are so much more important than a number, which is always wiggling anyway. 

Taking time to regularly reflect on how things are going is a way to stay grounded and aware.  For example, consider what you are buying at the grocery store?  Does your cart look different than it used to?  What are you adding in these days?  What are you trying to leave out?  Now consider what you order in restaurants.  Are you thinking ahead and making decisions before you get there?  Are you splitting entrees or making special requests?  These things may become your new normal, but there was probably another time when things went very differently.

Now, let's consider how we celebrate our victories.  It makes no sense to celebrate good habits with bad ones, but it seems like we often fall into that trap.  Creating new ways to mark proud moments can help redefine our relationship with food.  A special activity, a new workout outfit, a manicure or massage can really mean something more when it marks personal achievement.

As kids, we had report cards to tell us how we were doing.  As adults, we get feedback in other ways.  The scale is but one way to discover how weight loss is going, but it doesn't tell the whole story.  Slowing down long enough and often enough to check in and notice what is changing, what is different and what feels better can be the report we really need to hear.  Acknowledging progress keeps us engaged in the life long journey of self improvement.  That is something to celebrate!

Self Esteem Helps, Let Me Remind You

When was the last time you thought about your good qualities, your character, your integrity, your skills, your talents, your "superpowers"?  The things that attract people to you are exactly what makes you unique and special to them.  When was the last time you received a compliment?  Maybe it was because of a nice gesture or kind word or even a remark about your outfit?  

Kind words that remind you that you are appreciated and seen for who you really are, are sparks of motivation that help boost self esteem and self confidence.  When you think well of yourself, you are likely to expect good things to happen, to channel your energy in a helpful way, to focus on positive thoughts and gain perspective.  This doesn't mean you are immune to negative events or setbacks.  It means that you have an ability to manage them and even thrive.

As kids, our parents, teachers, coaches helped us with self esteem.  They encouraged us when we were down.  They reminded us to keep going.  They celebrated our milestones and consoled us when we were down.  This boosted our self esteem.  This kind of attention enabled us to make sense of the world and ourselves.  

As adults, we don't always get the feedback we need.  That's precisely when the negative self talk can take over, and the self esteem can bottom out.  While we can't always rely on others to help, we can rely on ourselves.  We can take a moment to give ourselves credit for our good qualities.  We can evaluate that chatter in the mind--and determine whether it is helpful or not helpful.  We can choose to dismiss unhelpful thoughts.  We can remember that because we exist, we matter.  We are important to ourselves, our families, friends, communities, coworkers, etc.   We can then channel this positive self esteem to our self improvement goals.  Because we value ourselves, we naturally want good things to happen.  We believe that we are worthy of them.  We set the bar high, and we keep going.  This is not arrogant or obnoxious.  It is healthy self care.

This week, take a moment to consider your good qualities.  Why do people like you?  What kinds of compliments do you most appreciate?  What is a quality you'd like to develop?  Then, when times get tough, look at that list and let it remind you, you matter.  You are worth the effort.  You can keep going.  

Honesty in Taking a Break From Striving

Last week I was blogging about  bringing forth the best version of yourself at the moment, for the moment, knowing that it will be different from moment to moment.  This week, I am expounding on that thought with a twist.

What if the "best" version of yourself was brutally honest?  What if the "best" version of yourself for the moment looked like slowing down and taking a well-deserved break?  Is that an acceptable thought and action, to not be striving all the time to lose weight, exercise more, eat more veggies, get more rest, plan balanced meals and snacks, be kind to everyone, etc.?.  The answer, of course, is yes.  It is absolutely ok to thoughtfully consider your circumstances and realize that just holding on is good enough, and that IS honest, courageous and mindful.  That also might be a relief. 

It is not realistic to think that striving for more at all times is a way of life.  That robs us of the present moment, which is when change happens.  Even if the change we are talking about is intentionally taking a break from striving.  It is exhausting to go through life thinking we are never measuring up, that we could always do more and that we are failing if we aren't pushing it.  This is not to say we don't have our standards.  This is to point out the fruitlessness of never being satisfied.

Yes, this health coach is all about identifying smart goals, establishing action plans, holding accountability, reassessing goals, and moving forward.  However, there are times in everyone's life where taking a pause that refreshes happens to be the next right thing.  If you have been working really hard at weight loss or with a fitness program, and you have achieved some success and made some realizations, and your life circumstances are far too demanding to do anything more, then taking a break from the ferocious striving might give you more space in your mind to enjoy what you have? 

There will always be goals in life, to do lists, things to read, work to be done, projects to be tackled.  That is part of life; that is not life.  Life is waking up every day to something new.  Life is where your interests lie, your people, your talents, your hobbies, your treasures.  Life is what you choose to pay attention to.  Life is what you choose to place intention behind.  Life is what is happening now.  Yesterday is life's history.  Tomorrow is life's mystery.  Today is life's present.

This week, take note of how much energy you have to give to your pursuits.  Consider how much "gas" you have in your "me tank" to make your life happen the way you'd like.  Take note if you are putting square pegs in round holes and coming up frustrated.  A sure sign to shift course.  Take note if you are in a position to push it.  Then let whatever answers come up give you direction.  Let the answers that bubble up to the surface lead you to the next right thing. 

A pause that refreshes is just as worthwhile as a hard push to a finish line.

Consider the Best Version of Yourself for Now

This topic of compare and contrast came up this week.  It's a tough one to win because when we compare ourselves to others, we inevitably find that some people have more than we do--that some things appear easier for others--that some people have better "luck" than we do, etc.  In fact, all of that might be true.  But, that doesn't matter, because what is also true is that far, far more people have much less than we do.  Let's take a lesson from the yoga mat--and observe without commenting even in your head.  Take note without letting your mind jump to a conclusion, judgment or comparison.  It's a practice, and it will take lots of practice because the mind wants to swing from one thought to another, make sense of the world, even things out although that process is fatiguing and unfulfilling.

One thing I have learned in the past fourteen years of health coaching is that every single one of us carries plenty of burdens, visible or not.  None of us will ever be as young as we are right now.  We all can strive and succeed in getting more of out life, ie. more good health, energy, activity, risk, fulfilling relationships, self satisfaction, self confidence and self esteem.  There is nothing standing in our way other than time.  It takes time to cultivate a self-care lifestyle and preplan meals and snacks and get exercise and manage stress without eating.  It takes effort to keep going when frustration sets in.  But, wait for it, frustration is part of life and very much part of self improvement. 

So, for now, and just now, let's consider the best version of yourself.  No need to compare yourself to who you were in your 20s or what you looked like in high school.  Consider yourself whole and complete for now, in this moment.  Is it a proud moment?  Is it a disappointing one?  Is there more you'd like to have?  And, then let it rest.  Notice what it is like to consider yourself in the power of now without the depression of the past or the anxiety of the future encroaching.  This might free up your mind to listen to your heart and rediscover the best of yourself.  That is the best motivation of all.  You are worth it.