Just Say No to Self Sabotage (Shut up, Archie Bunker Voice)

There's a voice in our heads that tells stories.  Stories of failure, of shame, of not measuring up to the challenges, tales of fear of the unknown.  It is our job to pause and fact check those stories.  This matters because the voice we tune into most often is our own. 

What we believe is true is what we keep telling ourselves is true.  If what we are telling ourselves is patently untrue, we can choose to dismiss those stories and do the opposite.  I am calling this the "Archie Bunker" effect.  If you remember this tv show from long ago, basically the curmudgeonly main character, Archie, was always full of bad advice.  To wit, if you just do the opposite of Archie, you will be on the right track.  

At the same time, let's consider the subtle messages we accept.  Messages like "being fit is impossible." There is too much work involved, and you don't like the gym.  If you accept this premise, then you have decided that it's not going to happen, and no matter what evidence comes your way that says being at the gym is fun, and getter fitter can happen, you automatically refuse to accept that.  

This is self sabotage which gets in the way of making a change for the better in the body or the mind.  This week, consider what quiet voices you have been listening to that LIMIT YOUR POTENTIAL.  Any statement that begins with "I can't.  It will never happen.  I don't know even know what to do or where to begin." are good places to explore.  Challenge those thoughts with the exact opposite.  "I can.  I can make something happen by starting small.  I can ask for help." 

This precious life of ours is a work in progress today, tomorrow and always.  The sky is the limit, IF you choose to see it that way.  I encourage you to see it that very way.  

How to Assess What's Going Right--and then Repeat

As adults who live in our heads so much of the time, it can be tricky trying to figure out how well or not, things are going.  When it comes to weight, check the scale on a regular (weekly or daily) basis and find out.  The scale will tell you where you at that precise moment, yes, but it won't tell you how you got there unless you look backwards and revisit all the details.  Take a webcam to your behavior, to the people, the places, the environment, the situations you found yourself in over the past week.  Did anything pose a problem?  Did anything challenge you?  Did anyone make it easier or harder for you?  How did you feel?  Where did you go?  And, duh--what did you eat?  

By "rewinding the tape" we can figure out when, where, how and why things went well so that we can repeat those very things and get more of WHAT we really want.  Our past actions that brought success are a predictor of what we can do in the future.

Today I was on back to back zoom calls.  One was for my speaking business and one was for my book publishing.  These two pursuits are connected because my plan is to do speaking on themes from my book.  This led me to look through my notes from the past several months and revisit the goals I had set for myself.  But by doing this, I got to be reminded of the goals I achieved and then I got to revisit the things that need more focus and attention.  I asked myself how I got this far?  One moment at a time, I built on what I wanted by being consistent and refusing to give up on my dreams.  

By giving myself time and NO JUDGMENT to reflect on what's working, I am reminded that celebrating the big victory--the WHAT of what you want is great fun, but the when, where, how and why is the journey that delivered me to that powerful moment.  The when, where, how and why is the makings of regular life.  The WHAT is the red-letter, glittery fabulous success with so much hard work firing it up.  

What Do You Care About Anyway--What Do You Value

Your values and what you care about the most are what guide you to make decisions in your life.  However, we human beings make decisions in the moment, based on what is directly in front of us.  Reduce friction.  Go with what's easy.  The problem with that approach is that we risk missing out on big picture wins that result from consistent effort, over time that actually align with our values, thereby bringing more fulfillment to our lives.

Let's consider self preservation for a moment.  Preserve your livelihood, your health, your weight, your sanity, your ability to maintain your composure without overreacting, your relationships....  Pick any one of these things.  These are big picture wins that involve lots of little actions every day.  I am thinking of my sanity and how important it is to me that I don't let little things get me down.  That might present in a variety of ways--including what time I wake up in the morning to what news I choose to ingest to what conversations I get involved in with my family.  So I choose lots of small actions in the moment, to reap the reward of less stress and more sanity as I go along.  The theme music from Frozen is coming to mind--let it go... let it go...

The reason this is so important is that when we consider what's important we can simplify our lives and reduce stress.  Especially now that the pandemic has taken its toll and current events have shocked us to our very core--our nervous system is in OVERDRIVE.  This is so unhealthy in so many ways.  We all care about our health--mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.  

This week, I encourage you to reflect on what you value most.  Get down to specifics.  Look at the big picture--and then walk that vision back to what it looks like on a daily basis.  If you value your fitness, then doing physical activity on a regular basis is part of that vision.  Committing to a routine at a set time and place is what the "little action" looks like so that you get the reward of increased fitness.  

In these crazy times, this is something we can control, and so this is something that can improve no matter what kind of craziness takes place elsewhere.  That alone is a powerful vision.

Look Forward a Few Months to Be Intentional Now

With so much information and inspiration and tips and ideas floating around now that 2021 is here--AHEM--I find a lot of it conflicting.  Some things I have read include:  dream big--bigger than ever--don't limit yourself; as well as start small--start where you are at with one little thing.  How about this one--2021 will make up for 2020?  The truth is, anyone can say anything they want, but if it doesn't ring true to you, then it doesn't matter who said it or what they said.

At this point, almost a week in to the new year, we know that "everything" hasn't changed just because the calendar year flipped.  It's a start, and it might just be the refreshing start we need to move forward.  With that in mind, let's imagine your future self three months from today.  Let's imagine where you'd like to be, what you'd like to be doing, what you'd like to be wearing, how you'd like to be feeling.  Take a moment and really think about this.  This is YOU in April of 2021.  Now imagine that your future self is thanking you for what you are doing right now, in January.  Now choose ONE thing you can do NOW to make that happen.  Decide what that is, when and how that will happen.  Focus on it.  Make it your intention.  And just like that, you can move yourself along in your journey.  

This doesn't have to be dramatic.  It might be very simple.  Start exercising again, 10 minutes a day. It might be cleaning out the cupboards and ridding yourself of temptation.  It might be a healthy food delivery service once a week.  It might be starting a journal with one sentence per day.  Whatever you choose, you are investing in yourself NOW so that you can start over again. 

My go-to workout, Orangetheory Fitness is getting pushed aside a bit because of an inflamed joint in my hip.  I count on that gym to deliver the workout, inspire me for the day, hold me accountable.  Unfortunately, I have to take a much gentler approach right now and do lots of therapy (it's really back yoga).  I decided not to be upset and angry about this.  I decided that if starting simply is healing my back after an entire year of managing the pain in my back, I will do it.  I got the message--too much high intensity interval training is not working.  I am being forced to start small, and I am not adding more friction to this reality.  My future self is thanking me already.   Yours will too.