Make Life Easier

Life is a balancing act that changes from moment to moment.  Sometimes we find ourselves overwhelmed by family demands.  Other times we find ourselves overwhelmed by deadlines and work stress.  And then there are times when we have work, home, emotions, sick pets, bad news and an empty refrigerator to contend with.  Through it all, we still need to sleep and eat.

One way to make life feel easier and more in control is to take care of the obvious requirements in advance; that is to say, plan ahead more regularly so that nourishing, satisfying meals are ready and waiting for you.  To make matters easier, you don't even have to do the work yourself.  You might simply download a meal plan, recipes and a grocery list from websites.  You might have meals delivered.  You might have meal ingredients delivered and then cook them later.  You might take all the help you can find at the grocery store and stock pre-chopped onions, diced cauliflower, salad bar ingredients to make salads interesting throughout the week and pair that with a rotisserie chicken.  It doesn't matter how you source nourishing meals, it just matters that it happens. 

The more stress you are under, the more balance you might need from stress-relieving activities.  The last thing you need is another thing to worry over or be frustrated by.  Knowing that you have some version of a plan, a frozen meal or a crockpot waiting for you may be the best part of a long day.   After all, you have to eat. 

It is an illusion for many of us to think there exists a perfect work/life balance.  I have come to believe that balance means that no single part of my life overwhelms any other single part of my life.  Sometimes I work more than others.  Sometimes I relax more than other times.  Some days I feel more stress than others.  Some days I feel more at ease than others.  No matter what, however, I want to and need to practice self care.  Healthy food, ready and waiting, is always part of that equation.

With the end of summer upon us, the fall signals a transition to something new.  Now is a great time to create a new habit of caring enough about yourself that you plan ahead for good things to happen.  Your taste buds will be happy.  Your stomach will be satisfied.  Your mind will be at ease because you have thought ahead.  That would certainly make life easier.

Be Grateful in the Moment: It's Good for Your Health

When I took my Level 1 YogaFit training four years ago, the instructor wore a shirt that said "Gratitude" on it.  I didn't understand at the time what gratitude had to do with yoga.  Then, when I went to my next yoga training at a big conference, everyone was asked to wear their "Gratitude" shirts on the last day.  Things started sinking in.  In yoga practice, we focus so much on letting go of competition with ourselves, the last time we were on the mat, our neighbor.  We let go of the past and don't attach to the future.  By doing so, we stay grounded in the present and can accept whatever the body/mind has to offer on that day, during that practice without judging or expectation.  Easier said than done.  The mind likes to attach, judge, wander, draw conclusions, rehash the past and worry over the future.  None of this brings happiness; all of this brings us out of the present. 

The same thinking holds true off the yoga mat.  We live in fast paced times, where too much technology and stimulation are coming at the brain.  The brain is not equipped to handle this much overload.  It becomes too stressful.  Intentionally slowing down long enough to take a look around and appreciate what is happening is more important than ever.  This can be simple, like finding rock star parking by the front door, or something bigger, like getting a compliment from a stranger, or maybe even a greater moment like realizing you made a difference in someone's day--any and all of this brings more joy to everyday living.

Our grandparents and parents may not have had as many distractions competing for their attention.  They spent more time outside.  They led more physically active lives.  They walked more just because their lives were set up that way.  They spent more time at the table for meals and talked to their family members.  This allowed them to process experiences in "real time" not hyper-charged technology time.  I know everything wasn't perfect like a Walton's episode.  But, none of us will ever get back all the time wasted on technology that sucked us in and gave us nothing in return. 

You may benefit from spending a few minutes every day identifying three good things.  It doesn't matter how small or how big they are.  Maybe you do this on the way home from work.  In the car, no music or phone or distraction.  Just think of three things that you are grateful for and notice how it made you feel at the time it happened--and how it makes you feel in the moment as you remember.  That's it.  Easy homework.  You might start recalling more detail about the three good things--like who was there--what was going on around you.  You might start looking for three good things every day in anticipation of answering these questions at the end of the day. 

By getting in the habit of being grateful for what you have, you become more present in your day.
By being present in your day, you become less stressed. 
By becoming less stressed, you save your good energy for where you really need it. 
That is a zero-point recipe for good health. 

Keep Going: Make it a Habit

When it comes to making healthy food choices more often, it is a mixed bag.  We eat for health reasons--more fiber, good protein, fruits and veggies.  We eat for hunger--more protein, volume, lots of chewing.  We eat for pleasure's sake--molten chocolate cake anyone?  We eat to connect with our family heritage and traditions--holiday food or reunion specialties.  We also eat for reasons that don't serve us--mindless or emotional eating like buckets of popcorn at the movie theater or trick or treating at work with candy dishes everywhere. 

Getting in the habit of making mindful eating choices is a practice we can adopt, but that doesn't mean we won't ever return to our former habits.  Stress gets in the way every single time.  We then revert to autopilot, which is where our former habits have been sleeping.  

This cycle of on again/off again is a reminder that there does not need to be a starting point or a stopping point necessarily.  In fact, we can choose to keep going the very moment we realize we are not doing what we'd like to be doing.  It doesn't mean we have undone all of our good habits.  It doesn't mean we have lost ground.  It just means that we are human.  No judging.    

I think having the courage to keep going no matter how many times we fall off is the humble secret to lasting change.  Punishing yourself for not doing what you wish you were doing is wasting time and eroding positive self esteem.  It makes no sense.  We cannot apply logic to emotion because the head and heart don't speak the same language.  Being smart doesn't stop us from doing things that don't really help.  Think of going to restaurants on an empty stomach and ordering too much food.  Think of running through points on booze on the weekend and having nothing left for food.  If it happened, then let it be done.  Leave it in the past, and decide to do things differently next time.  That's it.  Back to neutral.  That's the new habit we are looking to practice.  

A good life is never done being lived.  Your good life is the one I am referring to.  There is no end to your good health, your supportive relationships, your connections, your hobbies, your belonging.  In the same vein, there is no end to renewing your commitment to living your good life to the best of your ability.  You deserve it.  You want it.  So keep going.

Non Scale Victories and Proud Moments

What would weight loss be like if we only considered ounces or pounds down as a mark of success?  What would the journey feel like if we did everything right but somehow, through no fault of our own, ended up staying the same--or worse--gaining over the course of a week?  It would likely be far more frustrating and defeating than what we'd like. 

Instead, let's consider the fact that there are multiple ways to measure success, improvement, behavior change, attitude adjustment and mindset shift.  By focusing on the many ways we are actually progressing, we remind ourselves that we are not a number.  We are so much more important than a number, which is always wiggling anyway. 

Taking time to regularly reflect on how things are going is a way to stay grounded and aware.  For example, consider what you are buying at the grocery store?  Does your cart look different than it used to?  What are you adding in these days?  What are you trying to leave out?  Now consider what you order in restaurants.  Are you thinking ahead and making decisions before you get there?  Are you splitting entrees or making special requests?  These things may become your new normal, but there was probably another time when things went very differently.

Now, let's consider how we celebrate our victories.  It makes no sense to celebrate good habits with bad ones, but it seems like we often fall into that trap.  Creating new ways to mark proud moments can help redefine our relationship with food.  A special activity, a new workout outfit, a manicure or massage can really mean something more when it marks personal achievement.

As kids, we had report cards to tell us how we were doing.  As adults, we get feedback in other ways.  The scale is but one way to discover how weight loss is going, but it doesn't tell the whole story.  Slowing down long enough and often enough to check in and notice what is changing, what is different and what feels better can be the report we really need to hear.  Acknowledging progress keeps us engaged in the life long journey of self improvement.  That is something to celebrate!

Self Esteem Helps, Let Me Remind You

When was the last time you thought about your good qualities, your character, your integrity, your skills, your talents, your "superpowers"?  The things that attract people to you are exactly what makes you unique and special to them.  When was the last time you received a compliment?  Maybe it was because of a nice gesture or kind word or even a remark about your outfit?  

Kind words that remind you that you are appreciated and seen for who you really are, are sparks of motivation that help boost self esteem and self confidence.  When you think well of yourself, you are likely to expect good things to happen, to channel your energy in a helpful way, to focus on positive thoughts and gain perspective.  This doesn't mean you are immune to negative events or setbacks.  It means that you have an ability to manage them and even thrive.

As kids, our parents, teachers, coaches helped us with self esteem.  They encouraged us when we were down.  They reminded us to keep going.  They celebrated our milestones and consoled us when we were down.  This boosted our self esteem.  This kind of attention enabled us to make sense of the world and ourselves.  

As adults, we don't always get the feedback we need.  That's precisely when the negative self talk can take over, and the self esteem can bottom out.  While we can't always rely on others to help, we can rely on ourselves.  We can take a moment to give ourselves credit for our good qualities.  We can evaluate that chatter in the mind--and determine whether it is helpful or not helpful.  We can choose to dismiss unhelpful thoughts.  We can remember that because we exist, we matter.  We are important to ourselves, our families, friends, communities, coworkers, etc.   We can then channel this positive self esteem to our self improvement goals.  Because we value ourselves, we naturally want good things to happen.  We believe that we are worthy of them.  We set the bar high, and we keep going.  This is not arrogant or obnoxious.  It is healthy self care.

This week, take a moment to consider your good qualities.  Why do people like you?  What kinds of compliments do you most appreciate?  What is a quality you'd like to develop?  Then, when times get tough, look at that list and let it remind you, you matter.  You are worth the effort.  You can keep going.  

Honesty in Taking a Break From Striving

Last week I was blogging about  bringing forth the best version of yourself at the moment, for the moment, knowing that it will be different from moment to moment.  This week, I am expounding on that thought with a twist.

What if the "best" version of yourself was brutally honest?  What if the "best" version of yourself for the moment looked like slowing down and taking a well-deserved break?  Is that an acceptable thought and action, to not be striving all the time to lose weight, exercise more, eat more veggies, get more rest, plan balanced meals and snacks, be kind to everyone, etc.?.  The answer, of course, is yes.  It is absolutely ok to thoughtfully consider your circumstances and realize that just holding on is good enough, and that IS honest, courageous and mindful.  That also might be a relief. 

It is not realistic to think that striving for more at all times is a way of life.  That robs us of the present moment, which is when change happens.  Even if the change we are talking about is intentionally taking a break from striving.  It is exhausting to go through life thinking we are never measuring up, that we could always do more and that we are failing if we aren't pushing it.  This is not to say we don't have our standards.  This is to point out the fruitlessness of never being satisfied.

Yes, this health coach is all about identifying smart goals, establishing action plans, holding accountability, reassessing goals, and moving forward.  However, there are times in everyone's life where taking a pause that refreshes happens to be the next right thing.  If you have been working really hard at weight loss or with a fitness program, and you have achieved some success and made some realizations, and your life circumstances are far too demanding to do anything more, then taking a break from the ferocious striving might give you more space in your mind to enjoy what you have? 

There will always be goals in life, to do lists, things to read, work to be done, projects to be tackled.  That is part of life; that is not life.  Life is waking up every day to something new.  Life is where your interests lie, your people, your talents, your hobbies, your treasures.  Life is what you choose to pay attention to.  Life is what you choose to place intention behind.  Life is what is happening now.  Yesterday is life's history.  Tomorrow is life's mystery.  Today is life's present.

This week, take note of how much energy you have to give to your pursuits.  Consider how much "gas" you have in your "me tank" to make your life happen the way you'd like.  Take note if you are putting square pegs in round holes and coming up frustrated.  A sure sign to shift course.  Take note if you are in a position to push it.  Then let whatever answers come up give you direction.  Let the answers that bubble up to the surface lead you to the next right thing. 

A pause that refreshes is just as worthwhile as a hard push to a finish line.

Consider the Best Version of Yourself for Now

This topic of compare and contrast came up this week.  It's a tough one to win because when we compare ourselves to others, we inevitably find that some people have more than we do--that some things appear easier for others--that some people have better "luck" than we do, etc.  In fact, all of that might be true.  But, that doesn't matter, because what is also true is that far, far more people have much less than we do.  Let's take a lesson from the yoga mat--and observe without commenting even in your head.  Take note without letting your mind jump to a conclusion, judgment or comparison.  It's a practice, and it will take lots of practice because the mind wants to swing from one thought to another, make sense of the world, even things out although that process is fatiguing and unfulfilling.

One thing I have learned in the past fourteen years of health coaching is that every single one of us carries plenty of burdens, visible or not.  None of us will ever be as young as we are right now.  We all can strive and succeed in getting more of out life, ie. more good health, energy, activity, risk, fulfilling relationships, self satisfaction, self confidence and self esteem.  There is nothing standing in our way other than time.  It takes time to cultivate a self-care lifestyle and preplan meals and snacks and get exercise and manage stress without eating.  It takes effort to keep going when frustration sets in.  But, wait for it, frustration is part of life and very much part of self improvement. 

So, for now, and just now, let's consider the best version of yourself.  No need to compare yourself to who you were in your 20s or what you looked like in high school.  Consider yourself whole and complete for now, in this moment.  Is it a proud moment?  Is it a disappointing one?  Is there more you'd like to have?  And, then let it rest.  Notice what it is like to consider yourself in the power of now without the depression of the past or the anxiety of the future encroaching.  This might free up your mind to listen to your heart and rediscover the best of yourself.  That is the best motivation of all.  You are worth it.