Listen to Your Body

We are facing so much temptation this time of year.  Friends, family and coworkers like to go "all out" and entertain to impress.  We get a lot of encouragement to indulge and overindulge.  Because of our snacking culture, this can be a dangerous month for the waistline.   That's part of the problem, "holiday time" lasts from Thanksgiving to New Years Day, which means we have to pace ourselves.

We have lots of extra jobs to do during the month of December.  Planning, cleaning, decorating, shopping, wrapping, going to festive events, entertaining house guests and maybe even travel are part of what makes the holiday season special.  It can also make it stressful.  Our regular life needs attention too.  Things like laundry, work and family activities are top priorities too.

The more we have to do, the more stressful our life becomes.  The more pressure we imagine in our minds, the more stress we feel.  The higher our expectations, the more stress we get tangled in trying to meet those expectations.  When we are stressed out, cortisol releases in the adrenal glands.  Cortisol makes us crave junky foods and retain belly fat.  Eventually, if there is enough cortisol in the body, it will suppress the immune system which leads to sickness. This is not what we need when we are trying to enjoy the holiday season in the face of so many extra treats, temptations and holiday foods.

What we can do this time of year, just like during any other high energy time of year, is SLOW DOWN.  It sounds counter intuitive.  Slowing down sounds like we will get less done not more?  However, the benefit of slowing down is that we get out of the overthinking mind (I've got so much to do, I guess I will stay on autopilot and keep going...grrr).  When we slow down, literally take a moment to stop the world and just sit without digital tools, we can take a well deserved and much needed break.  We can take a few deep breaths in and out through the nose and start noticing what is going on in the body.  By doing this, we gain greater awareness about how we feel--how hungry we are--what are cravings are telling us.  We can notice if it has been too long without food (three hours is the limit for most of us).   This can help us enormously when faced with high calorie foods at every turn.  If we are on autopilot because of busyness and stress, we might mindlessly consume treats, snacks and then end up feeling sluggish and even more stressed.

The path to the mind is actually through the body.  This is why exercise is our most effective stress reliever. Meditation is our second most effective stress reliever.  While we may not always be able to get out for a walk or to a fitness class, we always have our breath with us.  We can practice this mindful breathing anywhere and at any time.  It will bring us back to the moment and keep us grounded in what we really want. It will make us feel more in control.  It will help make us feel that we are leading a fulfilling life--one that matters--centered on our values.  That is worth slowing down for.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's that time of year to kick start the holiday season with the feast of the table.  We all know that it can often be a high calorie, high fat, high sugar and maybe even a high alcohol kind of day.  Of course there are many ways to lighten up everything from stuffing to pie.   However, how often do people really do this?  How often do people alter their typical family favorites?  It's a holiday grounded in tradition after all.

This year, what I am recommending is that we focus on behavior change more than the SmartPoints and calories in the foods we eat.  That starts with correct portions.  On Thanksgiving, like all days, we still need to know what a "right size" portion is.  Half cups of starchy side dishes are considered one serving.  That includes stuffing, corn pudding, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, cole slaw.  One dinner roll is one serving.  One quarter cup of cranberry sauce is one serving.  Turkey itself, a lean protein, is not the problem with Thanksgiving foods.  Three ounces of turkey is considered one serving.  One slice of pie is one serving.

With the smells and family memories, the sights of foods we see only once a year, it can be challenging to stay focused.   The healthy habits we have worked so hard to develop throughout the year can help.  Eating a light breakfast and lunch makes sense.  Getting some exercise early in the day establishes a great start and may even create a new tradition.  If TV is involved, it would be helpful to have healthier snack options like fruit, vegetables, light soup or popcorn around.  After all, a big meal is coming up, and we don't need to fill up on foods that are ordinary compared to what delectable foods are yet to come.

Shifting our thinking is important.  This will not be our last Thanksgiving meal so we don't need to behave like it.  We can enjoy all of our favorites without overdoing it.  We have to stay mindful. We already know we will be having treats this Thursday that we don't normally eat.  We are anticipating how wonderful it will be.  We are thinking of the traditions, the smells, the warm kitchen and the fabulous table.  Let's also be thinking of how we will stay in control.  How will we know that we are absolutely finished eating that day (i.e. brush teeth)?  How will we slow down the eating at the table?  How will we focus on family, friends, conversation or activity to stay in control?  How do we want to feel when Thanksgiving is over?  What will we have for breakfast on Friday?

We have a lot to be grateful for...health, happiness, family, friends, pets, gainful employment, our bodies and minds.  If we shift our thinking in our mind, then our bodies will reward us.  We will be satisfied and even pleasantly full.  We will feel accomplished and contented instead of sorry and sluggish.

I'm sending all of you my best wishes for a great Thanksgiving.   Enjoy everything you do, every bite you take, every moment to remember.  And then keep moving.

Expectations: Stay Sane over the Holiday Season

We all have expectations for how we would like things to go.  I would like to wake up rested.  I would like to see the sun shining.  I would like to avoid the flu this winter.  These are small things that can have a big impact on my day.   During this busy, holiday time of year, many of us have far greater expectations for how we'd like things to go--from foods at the holiday table, to the guests sitting in the chairs, to the football game to watch on the big tv, to who is cleaning up all those dishes anyway.  Therein lies the rub.  There are so many forces outside our control, and counting on people behaving or events unfolding exactly the way we'd like can set us up for varying degrees of disappointment.  Disappointment is stressful.  Disappointment will raise the cortisol in the system--help us crave junky high fat, high carb foods and help us retain belly fat.

Most people I know would like to be in the driver's seat when it comes to what happens in their lives especially between now and January 1, 2017, i.e. the holiday season.   However, other people's expectations of us might get in the way.  The weather, the workload, the chores and jobs at home, the family dynamics and the extra stress can play a dramatic role as well.

How are we going to cope and hopefully enjoy the festivities, take breaks as we'd like and not end up frazzled, frustrated or overeating and overdrinking?  It's a balancing act just like the rest of life.  We decide, in advance, what are our priorities?  What is involved with these priorities--is it other people, our time, our money or cooperation?  What can we do--NOT WHAT CAN"T WE DO--to help expectations be met? WHAT CAN WE DO to balance fantasy with reality?  If we expect everyone at the family to be kind-hearted, polite, appropriate, helpful and not bring up controversial topics--then we might be disappointed if guests show up just to stretch out on the couch and watch football, drink a lot of booze and bemoan the recent election.  POOF to holiday expectations.

Life is unpredictable.  It does pose challenges that we may not ever see coming.  However, that doesn't mean we can't get what we really want.  We can choose to be positive by focusing on what matters most and by being flexible so that we can "go with the flow" when we are smacked with that dark side between what we want and what we actually get.

Spend some time thinking about how you'd like the next six weeks to go?  Think about what you really need?  A babysitter to shop in peace?  A night alone at home, going to bed early?  A fun outing with friends to get in the mood?  An assist from the grocery store for a beautiful pie or side dish?  Think about what you really want?  A busy holiday season?  A relaxed holiday season sticking to sleeping, eating, exercising routines as much as possible?  Think about how realistic these expectations are.  Think about setting yourself up to choose positivity no matter how things actually go.  With that life skill at hand, you can have what you really want, i.e. progress not perfection.  You can have a happy holiday season with limited frustration and maximum joy.

Get the Help You Need and Deserve

No one is an island.  We are all part of a much bigger system, connected and interconnected.  How we behave, the choices we make have a profound effect directly on our own lives and also indirectly on the lives of those around us.  Whether we realize this or not, we need each other to keep going.

When it comes to food choices, we have 200 of them to make every single day.  Unfortunately, we make so many of those choices alone.  There might be others around us, but we are the ones in the chip aisle at the grocery store.  We are the ones who make a good breakfast early in the morning or just grab something in the drive through on the way to work.  We are the ones choosing leftover pizza for dinner at 9PM when we are too tired or stressed for anything else.

Wouldn't it be nice if we enlisted the help of others to keep us on track, focused and supported?  Wouldn't it be smart if we asked for the help we need in especially challenging situations so that we could power through them and feel good about it.  No one wants to be the person who says no! no! no! to snacks at parties while everyone else seems to be indulging.  No one wants to feel that different and alone.  We are part of a much bigger picture, and we can use that to our advantage.

Making lifestyle changes is a push against the tide.  It is a mental, physical and emotional undertaking.  When we want more for our lives, we need lots of help.  While we can't expect everyone to cheer us on every step of the way, what we can do is talk to our true friends and caring family members and let them know we would like their assistance.  This might come in the form of agreeing on a restaurant with healthier options. This might look like their offering fruit and veggies and light appetizers at a party not just pizza and wings. This might be a request that you make to someone in advance, to come up to you at Thanksgiving or at a party and say "good job--you are getting through this."

As kids, we had cheerleaders--our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers.  It was their job to encourage us, guide us, redirect us and give us the support we needed.  As adults, we too need a rah rah squad from time to time.  If you need more from the people you live with, work with, socialize with--then ask them kindly for their support.  Expect them to offer it.  Remind them how much you appreciate them for helping.   Start living the dream of a more fulfilling, vital life, one choice at a time.  

Moving On

No matter what happens, time marches on; the sun rises in the sky; the seasons change; and life does go on. Our lives do move in cycles.  Sometimes, we are "up" when all seems to be going our way.  Other times, we are "down" when it's time to reflect.  This is normal and happens to everyone,  However, as we work hard to lose weight and improve our eating, it's easy to make mistakes--by making a choice we might later regret or by overeating or by eating out of stress.

With over 200 choices to make every day about food, it's hard to believe that all 200 choices would be exactly correct.  Following the program mostly right, most of the time is the goal.  This approach gives us the wiggle room we need.  This creates a broad, realistic view.  Most importantly, this point of view enables us to MOVE ON, no matter what happens.  This is a critical life skill.  Accepting the fact that no matter what happens, we choose to move forward is hopeful and mature.  While we can learn from mistakes or temporary setbacks, we cannot stall in self pity or frustration.  We can take a look at what went wrong AND what went right and MOVE ON.

I heard a trainer in the gym ask a client "How motivated are you?"  It's a great question because when we feel highly motivated to succeed, we work hard.  We find solutions to problems.  We plan ahead.  We set ourselves up to achieve.  We show up for the gym even when we are tired.  Alternatively, when we are not motivated to succeed, we make excuses and let temporary setbacks overwhelm us.

We know that the journey of life is ever changing.  It has twists and turns.  It takes us down roads we may have never anticipated.  It presents challenges and surprises.  To be fully alive and aware, we notice these things, but we do not get sidetracked by them.  We keep moving.

Expect a great life.  Expect a life full of adventure and self improvement, health and wellbeing.  Expect the natural ebbs and flows.  Expect to gather the internal forces to keep going.

 

Feel Your Feelings and Speak Your Mind

As the mother of two teenage daughters, I can say that I have parented them from the time they were little to "feel their feelings and speak their minds."   Instead of dealing with a temper tantrum, I used to say "use your words."  These messages are just as appropriate for us as adults, because when we don't check in on a regular basis, long enough to dial down the tension and activity, we may not be connected to how we feel and what our needs are.

When I led a Find Your Me workshop this past weekend, we talked about feelings and how connected they are to needs.  Feelings can be scary for some because there is no logic or rationale behind them.  If you feel sad, you are sad.  There was a song about this "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to."  If you feel lonely despite being a member of a big family at a reunion, those feelings are real and deserve attention.  We don't ever have to defend feelings or explain them or justify them.  Furthermore, they are always shifting from one moment to the next.

We often characterize feelings like happiness, self confidence and joy as positive and feelings like fear, frustration or anger as negative.  The truth is that feelings don't benefit from labels like this.  Feelings don't need to be judged.  Because we have them, they are legitimate.  Because they exist, they deserve our attention.  Most importantly, feelings represent needs.  We are human beings not robots.  If our needs are not met in a healthy way--we find ways to meet them in unhealthy ways.

As a kid growing up with an athletic, successful, 6' 5" father who was a self made businessman, I remember hearing the words "I don't want to see tears."  I am one of three girls and two boys.  There were plenty of tears and drama in our household.  Let's imagine my dad meant well (?)--the message was not helpful in any way whatsoever.  It was a futile attempt to deny my feelings.  Furthermore, tears don't respond to commands.   On the other hand, I can also remember the funeral of my wonderful grandmother, my dad's mother.  Tears ran down his cheeks and onto the floor as they closed her casket.  I couldn't have asked him to stop those tears.  Grief was talking.

Checking in with our feelings allows us to slow down and become real.  We are not robots.  We are human beings capable of a wide range of feelings, emotions, needs and desires.   By slowing down long enough to notice what is really going on, we have a chance to use our words and ask for what we need.  We get to live a fuller life.  For example, if you are feeling overwhelmed with so much to do at home or at work and you stuff those feelings of stress and frustration, annoyance and anger can build.  Because you are not using your words, no one knows how you feel.   We eat feelings.  We gamble feelings.  We drink feelings.   We try to escape feelings with risky behavior.  How about just using your words?  How about imagining that your words will fall on soft ground and will be respected.   How about imagining that your feelings and your needs will lead to a less stressful and more authentic life where you can find yourself getting what you really want and need.  You deserve it.

Make Time to Sleep

In the fast paced world we live in, in this Technology Age, we are stimulated, over-stimulated, accessible and encouraged to be available and responsive to incoming callers, facebook posts, coworkers' emails, non-stop advertising...in short, information overload.  There is a tv at some gas stations and check out lanes in grocery stores.  This is more than my brain wants to handle.  Because there is so much stimulation and multi-tasking in daily life, it keeps our brain active and in a state of processing.  This can produce stress.

The body and mind need a break.  Taking some time out during the day can do the trick.  A short walk, an exercise class, reading a book, talking with friends can fill the bill.  At night, we need to set ourselves up for quieter time and restful, restorative sleep.  Creating a ritual or routine to quiet the body and mind starts a few hours before bedtime.  Turning down the lights, noise, stimulation and screens (that emit a blue stimulating light) is critical.  We are not robots.  We don't have ON/OFF switches.  We have to dial down the active part of the day and set ourselves up for a calmer evening and eventual slumber.  The bedroom is supposed to be cooler and free of "work" and clutter that is distracting and possibly stress inducing.

This all makes sense, but how often do we stay "UP" online or with netflix?  More often than we'd like.  A poor night of sleep results in fatigue the next day.  Hormones that help with weight loss--that regulate appetite and satiety don't function correctly with poor, interrupted sleep.  We end up eating more junky food and not feeling satisfied with healthy food.  This adds to frustration and more stress.

The morale of the story is that we have to make good "sleep hygiene" a priority.  Making time for quality sleep is part of taking good care of our health and wellness.  We owe it to ourselves to get the rest we need and want.  Both body and mind benefit.  When we are rested and restored, we can face the challenges of the day with confidence and positivity.   That is worth getting up for.