Stay Sane for the Holidays

It's that ultra busy time of the year.  The weather turns cold and unpredictable.  There is pressure to plan, decorate, shop, organize, cook and bake to impress.   All this while living regular life too, like going to the grocery store, doing laundry and showing up at work and being productive.  It's a lot of distraction, and it can feel like a lot of pressure.

Now is the time to consider how you'd like to show up for yourself in the next month.  Thinking about what makes the holidays fun for you is a good start.  Is it the decorating?  Is it the lights?  Is it the family traditions?  If so, don't let go of what makes this festive for you.  Next, think about the activities, outings, pot lucks, parties, entertaining that might happen.  What is fun in all of that for you?  If there is something that's on the calendar, but it really doesn't bring you joy and feels more like an obligation, then maybe you pass this time.  Finally, think about what you can do for yourself to keep sane during this hectic time.  What are the things that relax you and dial down the tension in your life?  Maybe more physical activity might help manage stress.  Maybe taking more frequent breaks at work to walk and drink more water would fit into your schedule.  Maybe finding a buddy to go to a fitness class just to stay accountable might feel like a social release and a stress relief.  Maybe going to bed earlier to get more rest might do the trick.  When it seems like life is moving too fast, simply slow down for yourself.  Take note of the things you are doing that are helping and those that are not helping.  If you feel more stressed at the thought of another night out or more shopping after a long day, then take a break and take your life back.  Dial back the expectations so that you can enjoy yourself this time of year too.

This is the time when ultra rich, heavy foods laden with sugar, saturated fat and calories seem to show up everywhere.  Stress will make it too easy to indulge too often.  Consider the treats that matter to you the most--and save yourself for those.  Slow down long enough to enjoy them in a mindful way.  They will mean more.  Ignore anything that is ho-hum, not that good or nor really your favorite.

The month of December could be the month of self care, if you set yourself up for it.  This could be the time where you are actually enjoying the season because you are managing your expectations and eliminating excess.  For me, sending cards with photos of my girls is part of the holiday season.  I like doing it, and although it takes a lot of time, it is worth it to me.  It is a tradition I choose to keep.  As for all the cookie baking, that tradition had to change.  I can't bake like I used to, because I will look like Santa in no time.  I like eating those homemade cookies too much.  If someone asks me to bake for them, I will do it, and I will deliver those cookies promptly, but you won't find a cookie tray at my house.  This is a tradition that I am comfortable giving up.  It doesn't work for me anymore.  It took me a long time to figure it out.

Whatever you do with the month of December, remember that the greatest gift you have comes from your heart.  It doesn't need a ribbon or gift wrap.  It comes out in your words, gestures, kindnesses.  That is truly a gift that keeps on giving.

Kindness is Healthy

It is now scientifically proven that kindness pays off when it comes to your health.  Furthermore, it is not just a good thing for the receiver of the kindness.  Au contraire, it is even more of a boost for the giver.  No wonder Oprah liked to give away cars.  When we give a compliment, open a door, let a fellow driver into the roadway, we extend a good part of ourselves that creates the potential for even more acts of kindness.  Even though you may never know how someone chose to "pay it forward" it still matters.

This is the basic "stuff" that makes us feel happier.  Happier people are funner to be around.  Happier people take life's bumps and bruises in stride and don't allow stress to take over.  Happier people want more good things for themselves, so they keep working on themselves.  Therefore, it pays to train the brain to keep looking for good things, good news, opportunities for being kind.  This doesn't mean awful things don't happen.  This is not pretending that "life is good" even if you are in crisis.  No, this is the growth mindset that we can cultivate, exercise and grow so that our outlook is more often positive than negative. 

As I write this blog, my 17 year old daughter has been home sick from school all week with a perforated ear drum.  She went back to school today only to be sent home because she now has pink eye in both eyes.  Back to the pediatrician.  I am on my way out of town for the WW cruise tomorrow morning, and this development added a wrinkle to the day.  But, I am not focusing on this.  I am not getting pink eye.  I am leaving Natalie in my mother's capable hands and hoping and praying for the best.  It's all I can do. 

Look for ways to be kind to other people--your family, your neighbors, your coworkers and strangers.  A smile, a nice word, a gesture that takes but a few seconds is all it takes to make your day and theirs.  That is the good energy you can control.  And if nothing else, it is good for your health and happiness. 

What Do You Want More vs. What Do You Want Now?

I heard a WW member ask an incredibly profound question that stuck in my mind for over a week.  She said she often asks herself, "what do I want more; and what do I want now?"  Simply stopping to ask that question inserts a pause in what could otherwise be a momentary lapse in judgment.  Slowing down long enough to even think of this question also means that she is using her brain to consider her options as opposed to appealing to instantaneous gratification. 

Weight loss, weight maintenance, self improvement, good habits are anything but instant.  They take time, effort, energy and consistency.  They are the exact opposite of immediate.  Yet, somehow we mix these things up.  We want to achieve those goals, but we forget the effort in the moment that sets the stage.

Our "McQuick" culture is working against us.  However, we are not animals who eat food when it comes in front of them.  They don't have the ability to reason.  Eating is survival for them, and they pounce.  On the other hand, we are human beings with the ability to think, reason, contemplate, debate and consider.  We can observe an eating opportunity knowing it is not our last.  We can choose to partake or not, or split or save something for later.  We are more than our animal instincts. 

With the Halloween candy around and signs of Thanksgiving coming in three weeks to say nothing of December and all its sugary excess, we are going to have lots of opportunity to make decisions.  We will encounter more temptation than we'd like.  We will be faced with the cut to the quick question--what do I want more vs. what do I want now?  If we can use our desire for success to drive our behavior more often, we can gain control by practicing restraint.  It is a practice.  We don't have to always choose fruit instead of cookies, but we can't eat every morsel of rich dessert that shows up either. 

Now is an opportune time to consider all the reasons you decided to change your life.  Those reasons come from the heart, and they are true to you.  You want what you want.  That's fair.  In order to get what you want, you have to commit to it.  Through your thoughts, your actions, by practicing restraint, control, patience, forgiveness.  That's fair too.  You have to appeal to your superpower, i.e. your smart brain and follow through.  You have earn it even though the rewards may not appear immediately.  In doing so, what you want more is exactly what you will be getting.  A dream come true.

Being Accountable and Mindful

My 17 year old daughter, Natalie, made a "mindfulness jar" in a class.  This is a small mason jar filled with pink glitter, suspended in liquid.  It's like a super snow globe.  She left this in my mom's car.  My mom pointed this out to her, and she was livid.  She said she doesn't need to be reminded about her mindfulness jar!  Therein lies the irony.  We DO need to be reminded to be mindful because we are often scattered with our energy and intention, and we simply forget.

There are so many ways to think about this buzzword of today:  mindfulness.  Let's break it down.  Mindful means that the mind is full.  It is full in the present moment, with present moment intention.  The mind is focused on what is right now.  If getting out of the car with my stuff is the present moment, then I am collecting my stuff as I exit the car.  If getting out the car, listening to ear buds, snapchatting someone and thinking about dinner is keeping the mind full, then I might forget what I am accidentally leaving behind.

To be clear, it can be challenging to live in a state of mindfulness.  The mind itself likes to jump to conclusions, form observations, make judgments, connect the dots.  Technology scatters the mind's intention and drains our focused energy.  Some people say we are only aware of 7% of what is really happening. 

The good news is that there is no perfection when it comes to being mindful.  There is simply practice.  Some days we are practicing more often than others.  The more we practice being present in the moment, the more we will refrain from distractions that rob us of our peace of mind.  Borrowing worry (tomorrow) or bemoaning the past (yesterday) keeps us from thriving in the present, the now, the mindful moment. 

Today is made up of a series of moments, one stacked on top of the other.  By adding up the days, the weeks, the months, the years, you have your life.  Now is a great time to reflect on your moments.  Do you like how you are spending them?  Do you enjoy them more often than not?  Do you slow down long enough to savor the good moments and really appreciate them?  If so, keep going.  If not, you can simply take a long deep inhale through the nose right now and let the breath out slowly and relax.  This signals your body to calm down.  This exercise trains the mind to turn to something positive, especially useful in times of high stress.  This keeps you grounded to the all-powerful present.  That's the most powerful position of all. 

A Growth Mindset Works

It is so easy to get stuck in our own wicked ways, irrational thoughts or preconceived notions about how life is supposed to be.  If we never question what we're thinking, we might not be limiting ourselves.  Let's consider replacing a "fixed mindset" with a "growth mindset."  An example of a fixed mindset is one where there are absolutes like--"I always gain weight at holiday time."  While it may be true that in the past, weight gain was part of holiday time, that does not mean it has to happen this holiday season.  This can be somewhat counterintuitive.  In a lot of cases, past performance is a strong indicator of future success.  NOT SO when it comes to self improvement.  It does not matter how often we attempt behavior change and miss the mark, that does not mean we won't hit the target this time. 

A growth mindset is open to possibilities.  It is grounded in perspective and a positive outlook.  An example of this might sound like--"I have gained weight at holiday time in the past, but this year I am going to set myself up for success so that doesn't happen."  By shifting the mindset to this kind of thinking, we are retraining the brain.  We move away from all or nothing thinking.  We leave behind our previous experiences that didn't work for us anyway, and we are opening ourselves up to something good--something we want:  a new outcome.

This is not to suggest that if I think positive thoughts, I will get whatever I want like a winning lottery ticket.  That's magical thinking.  This is to remind us that we have control over our thoughts.  We can choose to focus on positive ones, helpful ones, reflective ones.  We can choose to silence negative thoughts that remind us of previous mistakes.  By thinking positive thoughts, we feel better.  We are grounded in reality.  We then set our actions up for success too.  If I don't want to gain weight at holiday time, I am booking my workouts, staying out of the kitchen at night, drinking one cocktail not two, restricting baking, etc. 

We all have lived in our own heads for so long.  It is so tempting to think that our thoughts are reality, but they don't have to be.  We can rewrite our own success story by thinking of how we'd like it to go.  The sky is the limit when it comes to getting what we really want.  Yes, it is work that takes effort, but the rewards are so worthwhile.  This work is making our very precious dreams come true.

Mr. Rogers Grew Up With a Weight Problem?

When I was on a plane recently, I watched the Mr. Rogers Neighborhood movie.  It is a documentary about Fred Rogers, the man, the minister, the children's advocate, the PBS personality in blue keds and a cardigan.  I grew up watching the show.  I remembered the sound of the trolly coming through the wall on its way to the Land of Make Believe.  I remembered the puppets, the field trips, feeding the fish.  As a kid, I just watched this calm show and liked his "won't you be my neighbor" songs and messages.  As an adult, seeing snippets of episodes and listening to Mr. Rogers speak, I was flooded with nostalgia and surprised by a few things.

As a kid, I obviously didn't know about Fred Rogers going to Congress to get approval for his PBS show.  He tossed his prepared remarks aside and spoke from the heart--specifically about helping kids manage stressful emotions.  I didn't know about all the "Golden Rule" messages he was softly presenting.   And, I certainly did not know that Fred Rogers had a weight problem growing up.  Hmmm.   In his era, that was not the norm, so he likely stood out from his peers.  As an adult, he was also determined to overcome this problem.  Hmmm.  I can relate.  He made sure that he swam every day, and he weighed himself every day.  He even advertised his weight, 143, on the castle in the Land of Make Believe.  He said that "143" represented the number of letters in each word in the phrase "I LOVE YOU."  Maybe so, but it also stood for something very important to him personally.  Hiding in plain sight, it was a mark of success for him. 

As a Wellness Coach for almost fifteen years, I have the privilege of being up close and very personal with many people in their journeys, joys, struggles and successes as they create the life they really want.  I truly believe we come like children to the studio workshop (formerly known as meeting) because we need a lot of reminding, modeling, reinforcing, steering, directing, cheering, companionship, acceptance and accountability to keep going.  Self improvement with weight loss can be simple:  eat less than you are now--specifically junk and eat more healthy foods.  Move the body a little or a lot, frequently throughout the day.  Drink lots of water and stay hydrated.  Spend time with people who like you and like doing things with you.  Go to bed and get good rest.  Manage stress not by eating it, fighting it or screaming it--but by doing something stress relieving--like talking to a friend, exercising, meditating, walking. 

It is all so basic, yet we often let it become so much more complicated than it needs to be.  So, what about taking a page from Mr. Rogers' book.  Make life a little simpler.  Take small steps, little by little, moment by moment.  Treasure the life you have now--knowing you are connected to so many other people who are traveling this very same path.  Expect this to go well when you lead from the heart. 

How Do You Want to Feel

If you often eat based on how you feel, why not exercise based on how you would like to feel?   For example, what if you'd like to feel more relaxed or energized or stronger?  You might think about matching a relaxing activity like yoga, qigong or easy walking.  If you are looking for more energy, you might consider spin class, jogging or bootcamp.  If you are looking for strength, that could be a weight training class or kick boxing. 

Exercise, fitness, activity, moving more--it all means the same thing:  the body is in motion.  This is a critical part of our wellness plan.  Moving the body is the best way to dump stress hormones (cortisol and adrenaline) from the system.  Moving the body gives the mind a much needed break.  It allows the mind to stop jumping from one thought to another, which can feel exhausting.  Moving the body gives us more body confidence and a sense of accomplishment.  We can use that goodwill to inform food choices and stay focused on goals.

The good thing is that we don't have to commit hours to fitness to get the benefits.  We can commit bits of time, because ten minutes here and ten minutes there adds up to twenty minutes of fitness that we might not otherwise commit to.  Some effort is always better than none.  It all adds up.  It all counts. 

It makes sense to find activities you like.  The more you like what you are doing, the more likely you are to continue doing it.  That seems obvious.  But, what if you are one of those people who really doesn't like exercise?  You can do it anyway.  Just find what you dislike the least, and try it for ten minutes.  Find a buddy to participate--like a walk during work?  An accountability partner might just make this happen. 

Weight loss comes from healthy food choices, mostly.  This is key component in creating a healthy lifestyle.  Another key component to a healthy lifestyle is adding more steps, more fit breaks, more activity to daily life.  It's worth the effort because your goals are worth the effort. 

Move a little more, and notice how it makes you feel.  Then, keep going!