Self Compassion is Healthy

Being kind to yourself is actually good for your health.  When you are positive and empathic, you feel better.  Feeling better is a big part of doing better.  On the other hand, beating yourself up and listening to your inner critic is damaging to your health because it makes you feel bad.  When you feel bad, you often do badly.  It really is that simple.

Sometimes, as adults we overthink these things, and we need reminding.  We need to remind ourselves that it is not ok to bully yourself.  If your child or friend came to you and told you how terrible they felt about themselves because of something they regret, you would not continue to gang up on them and go negative.  You would very likely give perspective and help them see the situation in another light.  You would do your best to help them overcome that situation so they could move on and even learn from it.

The next time you find yourself regretting a food choice or a behavior decision, take note.  Stop and ask yourself a few questions:  1) is this true--reality check?  2) is this something I would say to my best friend or child?   And then, commit to treating yourself with the kind, loving words of support and encouragement you would extend to others so you can move onward.

I know this is easier said than done.  I am no more perfect than anyone else, so I practice these skills myself.  If it helps to air out your own grievances or regrets about what is happening, then do it.  And then give yourself the room to forgive yourself and go on.

I so wish I felt the way I did one summer day, long ago at my grandparents' house.  I was about 5 or 6 years, and I climbed up the kitchen counter and opened the corner cabinet and turned the plastic lazy susan until the Baby Aspirin bottle came by.  Then I ate a bunch of those tiny orange aspirins like candy.  Next thing I know, I am at my Nanny and Poppy's house.  They just looked at me and loved me.  I don't know where my parents were; they obviously took me there.  I don't know where my four siblings were.  But, I do know that Nanny and Poppy looked at me like I was the best person in the world.  I felt so good.  I didn't feel like I was bad because I ate those aspirins.  I didn't get sick from them, but I knew I shouldn't do that again even though they tasted like tang.  I just felt like I was an important person and that things would be ok.  Fast forward to today, and I would give anything to go back to their ranch house and sit in their garden and feel that way.  I remind myself of how good they made me feel about me.  I remind myself that even if it doesn't seem like I "deserve" it, I can still get it.

This week, think of a time where you felt the LOVE.  Remember what that was like.  And turn it on yourself.  Why?  Because you are worth it.  That's self compassion.  To your health!

Life Without Limits Is Chaos

Life without limits is chaos.  No one likes chaos.  So, we have to take into consideration some limits so that we can function, coexist and thrive.  In so many areas of life, we accept this without question.  Stores post their hours.  We shop when they are open.  We do not break windows and go inside when they are closed to steal what we'd like.  That won't work.  We do not want to suffer the consequences of that destructive behavior.  We respect the limits.

Let's turn to our food choices, our sleeping time, our fitness routine.  These feel different than store hours, because it is up to us to decide where the limits should be.  We can change them from day to day depending on our circumstances.   Unlike store hours, our limits are not set in stone.  If I don't work out now, I might be able to do it later.  Yes, this is true.  If I don't want to go to bed now because I am watching Netflix, no one is going to come to my house and stop me.  The next day I might suffer fatigue and lack of focus because of lost sleep, but that's likely a minor consequence I can live with. 

When it comes to food choices, however, things can really fall apart without limits.  Most of us benefit from knowing what those limits should be to stay accountable.  Whether it is counting smartpoints, filling up on zero point foods, monitoring feelings of satiety, or managing portion sizes, these limits help us function better.  These limits help us manage hunger and keep us from overeating.  These limits can help us lose weight, maintain weight loss and promote mindfulness with our food choices and behaviors around food.  This reminds me of a comment I heard today from a member, who lost almost 100 pounds--food freedom.  Ironically, food limits actually promote food freedom.  When you know what you can eat and what you might restrict, you have freedom to make choices that work for you whether it is a planned treat or a healthy dinner or an robust late afternoon snack.  Freedom means you have the ability to decide, from moment to moment what will work. 

Sometimes just by shifting your mindset and rethinking what limits actually do for you , you realize how much freedom you have to live the life you really want. 

Humility as a Virtue

I have been thinking a lot about humility lately.  It is a virtue for starters.  I can honestly say that I appreciate being humbled by others--even when it doesn't feel good.  Last week, someone came up to me and constructively critiqued my work.  I wasn't expecting it; it did not come from my manager or even my coworkers.  It gave me pause and helped me think about myself and my performance.  Oh, to see ourselves as others do...

Then, the polar vortex came along and took Minnesota by frigid storm.  Schools closed; workplaces shuttered.  Everyone went indoors if they could, and I found myself thinking about how the weather itself humbles.  It started me thinking about my childhood hero, Laura Ingalls.  How did she do it?  How did anyone cope with the elements under duress?  Obviously, they had no choice and didn't know any different, but still.  This weather caused me to go inward with my thoughts and consider what really matters--safety first and survival.

And then, I started thinking about how self improvement with weight loss, fitness, personal growth all involve a large dose of humility among other key virtues like patience, strength, courage and faith to name a few.  We have to have courage to even begin something new or to go back to it over and over again.  We have to have faith that eventually our hard efforts will reap the rewards we are seeking.  We have to be strong in body, mind and spirit to simply persevere day in and day out.  And, we can be humbled at any step in the process.  Sometimes like the weather--there are forces far greater at work.  And for this, I am humbled yet again.

I brought up humility with my yoga students this week. On Tuesday--before the nastiest of all cold set in, I had a large group of yogis in barefoot on the mat as usual, keeping their routine going.  It was admirable.  The human spirit to persevere is daring and strong.

There will be a 90 degree temperature swing in Minnesota by this weekend.  Nature's reminder that anything can happen yet still life goes on, like it did for generations before us and generations to come.  This is the humility I am focusing on now. 

Body Positivity Through Exercise

One of the best ways to feel good about your body is to move it.  Research shows that people who exercise have a better body image and body confidence than people who don't.  That makes perfect sense because when we move the body we get out of the judging, observing, jumping monkey mind.  Getting the blood pumping and increasing the oxygen feels good.  If there is a specific workout or class to participate in, then simply completely the class fuels us with accomplishment alongside all of those endorphins.  Reminding ourselves how good it feels to accomplish something like a workout is all it takes to go back for more.

Nowadays there are so many versions of activity, fitness or exercise.  Everything from classic group fitness classes in a club setting to getting steps in around the house--it all counts because it all adds up.  These activities can be done with others or privately.  There are endless options online with youtube and apps.  Who would have thought that spin class could actually be done at home on the peloton bike?  That brainchild came from a new dad who wanted to go to spin class but was at home with a newborn.  He's biking all the way to the bank.

Physical exercise that you enjoy can be a hobby like tennis or pickleball or zumba class.  It can also be a social outlet.  Or, at the other extreme, it can be a solitary activity creating a break from people and their issues.  No matter how you view it, physical activity is required to be a whole and healthy person.  You have a body.  The body wants to move.  Don't let the mind talk your body out of doing something good even if you are tired.  That's the irony.  Even if you are tired, a little bit of energetic movement will actually create more energy.  It's counterintuitive, but it's true. 

You are not your body, but it matters.  Treating it right with healthy food is key.  Most weight loss comes from food choices.  But up to 20% of weight loss can come from exercise.  That's a boost for the body and the mind and the body confidence. 

Your mind is stronger than your body, so this week, let your mind talk you into doing something healthy for your body.  See what it does for you.  See how it makes you feel.  Just do something more than you have lately so you can feel positive, confident and capable. 

Because you are!

Dreaming vs. Living

I saw a quote this week that said dreams are what you live for.  It made me think about the distinction between living life vs. living for your dream life.  It also made me think about where dreams come from in the first place--and how these dreams drive our behavior and define our lives.

Dreams are emotional.  They come from the heart.  They don't have to make sense to the mind.  They are wishes that bring us enormous happiness and make life feel worthwhile.  They make us feel important.  If we didn't have dreams, then life would feel like work most of the time. 

Dreams also give us reasons to do certain things.  If you want to go on a great spring break vacation, maybe you need to save some extra money every week.  That might mean forgoing dinners out or clothes shopping in the short term, but those are sacrifices that you are willing to make, because what you really want--your spring break vacation means so much more to you. 

When it comes to self improvement, we have big dreams.  I think we often talk ourselves out of our dreams because we sell ourselves short.  We may believe these dreams aren't coming to fruition fast enough.  We decide that "it's too much work."  The truth is, you are not too much work.  In fact, you  are never going to be too much work.  You deserve to live your dream life.  You deserve to dream your fully realized life.  That's all there is to it simply because you want it.

This week, slow down long enough to ask yourself if what you have is enough for you.  And, or, are there things you would really like that you don't have?  Is there something that bothers you?  Are you living your "best" life?  Or, are you letting yourself settle for less than what you dream of?  The time is now to dig deep and let your heart speak.  Let those wishes come forward.  Let those dreams inspire you to take risks, step outside your comfort zone, make sacrifices so that you can live the dream.  Your dream.

Who's in Charge

There are many ways to characterize how we think, make decisions, get through the day, choose what to say or where to go.  When it comes to food choices, I think there is an animal, recalcitrant teenager and a governor in all of us.  The animal is the most base, least contemplative, opportunistic and reactive.  The animal will eat anything and sleep anywhere.  The teenager in us is lazy.  It doesn't want to exercise or get up early or plan ahead.  The teenager can get by, but it is not all that pretty.  The governor in us is the most evolved.  It is the part of us that can control the least helpful behaviors that the animal and teenager engage in.  The governor is the adult in the room who is in charge.

Our thoughts are very powerful.  More importantly, we can actually control them.  This speaks to the power of the human mind to shift thinking and make smarter decisions.  When we don't slow down long enough to reflect or notice or even acknowledge the "voice of reason" that the governor speaks with, we might end up behaving like a teenager who doesn't "feel like" showing up or even worse--the animal that just pounces on whatever shows up, e.g. free samples at the grocery store.

Adult life is made up of so many choices.  There are 200 choices to make per day just about food.  There are countless choices in other areas too.  What time to get up?  What to do first at work?  Should I make the bed?  Laundry now or later?  Who's driving whom to school.... etc. etc.  Most of us want things to go well.  We want less stress, more smooth sailing.  As adults, we are the ones who create that ease.  Life can get complicated, but the adult can cope and adjust.

This week, ask yourself if you are content with your choices--with food, mindset and fitness, or whether you need to listen to the governor and show up for yourself so that you can have more good living, more good health, more vitality, more confidence and more control. 

Evolve with the New Year