Who Are You?

How you identify yourself is part of your self esteem, your actions and even your happiness.  I think of myself as a do-er. That means that I do things--all kinds of things at work, at home, in my personal life, with my fitness goals and my writing.  It also means that I do not crumble even in the face of adversity.  It is a badge I wear proudly, and it guides my actions which say "keep going"!

There are also certain identifiers that I don't wish to have.  When my daughter, Natalie, had AML (cancer) as an infant, and I was living with her in Children's Hospital of Minnesota, the Social Worker on the Oncology Unit held a "Cancer Moms" group every week.  I told her clearly I do NOT want to be a cancer mom.  That's not who I am.  I told her kindly that I was not ever going to attend that meeting, and I thought it was disrespectful to Natalie.  The crisis of our lives that changed us forever--please, do not name me that way.  I was simply Natalie's mom.  

By identifying with certain titles or roles, we naturally take on the actions of those roles.  The things we are most proud of, we talk about and weave into conversations.  We might even create a day around those things.  For example, if I say I am a gardener, then that means I garden.  I work with the dirt, seeds, plants, flowers, bees, Miracle Grow, trees, vegetables, soil.  That means I want you to know that I am someone who takes this hobby seriously, and when you see me in dirty jeans on a summer Saturday you know it's likely because I've been digging in my garden not because I forgot to do laundry.

What if you would like to be--someday--somehow that person who is a do-er or a gardener or an exerciser or a meditator?  You start by doing what it takes.  You remember that you may have done some of this before.  Have you ever gardened?  Have you ever planted?  Have you been to the garden store and gazed through the options?  Do you want this to be part of your life and your identity?  Then, keep doing those things, and start introducing that title to yourself in your head and to your friends and family.  And then, keep going!  Seal the deal.  Make it real.  Make it about you.  Make it a part of you.  Make it a part of your identity.  Wear the badge!  Feel the pride.  

In these covid times, it is more important than ever to gaze inward and see what's there.  We are not going to get our affirmation from the external world.  The external world is in chaos.  The overdoing of precovid life has been turned upside down.  It is incumbent upon us all to figure out a new way of doing things.  We have the time, the stillness, the opportunity to look at what is in front of us, or what is in us and decide.  

This is part of our coping strategy for getting through this mess--and coming out of it better on the other side.   Take time this week to list all the words that identify who you are--and who you might like to be.  Write them down.  Consider what they mean.  Then, take action on a few of your identifiers.  Notice how it feels.  Does it give you a sense of purpose?  Does it create an agenda?  Does it frame your day?  Tell me about it when you know.  I want to hear.