We Need Feedback From Our Tribe

I park in an underground parking garage one day a week for an early morning Weight Watchers meeting downtown in Minneapolis.  I have been doing this for about six months.  The same parking attendant, Dan, has been there nearly every single week.  He is a smiling, friendly presence every time. This week he approached me as I was leaving and asked me if I would sign his birthday card.  He said it was it was his birthday yesterday, and he likes his friends to sign his cards because he saves them and reads them by the fireplace.  He said his wife thinks he is crazy, but this means something to him.

You couldn't have surprised me more.  I have never had anyone ask me to sign their own birthday card. I wrote a note on the back (the inside of the card was full) telling Dan that I appreciate his smile and his friendly demeanor, etc.

An hour later, I was teaching yoga.  At the end of class I usually read a quote or short affirmation from a book.  As usual, I did that, and then two yogis came up to me to take a photo of the book and the affirmation.  They explained to me that this really spoke to them.  One lady explained that she puts a positive quote on the chalkboard in her kitchen every week.  Friends of hers look for it when they visit. I shared the story of Dan and the birthday card.  They said--yes, they too need affirmation and encouragement.

These were two hot strikes in the space of an hour.  It is not a coincidence.  I thought more about this, and this desire to be connected is universal.  We all need feedback, affirmation, something good to meditate on, something worthwhile to reflect over.  Dan asked for it.  In doing so, I learned he has a wife.  I learned that he thinks of me as a friend.  I learned that he is vulnerable and courageous enough to ask for what he needs.

As children, we get regular feedback from parents through guidance and discipline and support.  Our teachers do it too.  We get progress reports, report cards and graduations to the next grade every year. As adults, we don't get consistent feedback because our jobs and relationships aren't tailored the same way.  Yet, we need it just as much.  We thrive on it.  We need to be reminded in the course of a busy day, year, career, adult life that we have defining qualities that attract others to us.  We have characteristics that make us who we are, and we desire recognition and occasional appreciation.

No man or woman is an island.  We need others to keep going.  It makes life worth living and gives us what we need to make the most of our lives.  As we work to improve our health, reduce excess weight and create balance, we can ask for what we want.  We can use that feedback to make us stronger.  We can continue to set the bar high knowing we are not alone.  We never were.