I was at the bookstore today, and I noticed a huge pile of books for the graduate--advice galore on everything from "Curious George and a Banana" to "Lean In" for the college graduate to "How to be a Hepburn in a Kardashian World" to the traditional books like "Seven Habits of Highly Successful People." I was overwhelmed looking at these titles. It practically made me feel overwhelmed with so many opinions. Where to start? What should I read next? What advice have I been missing? I am not sure I care.
I never wish to add my voice to a chorus of "do this" or "that" or "the next thing." Funny, since I spend my time coaching people to health and wellness. At any rate, what I would like to be is relevant to you NOW, in smaller, more manageable bits and pieces because, in truth, that's all we have to work with anyhow. Being everything great, all the time, or recovering from any setback no matter what and coming out stronger, or just going with the flowing is too much.
Instead, we come back to one of the most basic of all life lessons. When we were kids, our parents trained us to "pay attention." That meant looking both ways at crosswalks, doing homework carefully, listening to teachers or elders to carrying something delicate from the car. As we got older, our focus had to become sharper. There were more moving parts to keep track of. We had to get ourselves to places on time. We had to deliver. We had to keep track of demands and details and people on time.
All of this was preparation for what we have to do now. In fact, we have greater expectations. Running your own life, relationships, house, car, job, health, wellness, social time, appointments, relaxation, etc. is a lot. Add the pressure of a problem with any of these moving parts, and we become overwhelmed. That is precisely when the message to step back, slow down and retreat is worth listening to. If the universe is becoming too much to cope with, simply consider what is the next "right thing" to do or NOT do? What is the next move to make or NOT make? What feels relevant NOW given all the demands?
By pausing for a moment to discover what is truly relevant NOW, we can create much needed breathing room. We can dial down the anxious tension so that we feel less overwhelmed and more in control.
We may not solve the world's problems, but the good news is--we don't have to. We can simply "pay attention" to what matters most--at the time when it shows up. No more and no less. We can become more agile in dealing with our life's challenges which enables us to become happier and healthier no matter what shows up.
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Working on Fulfillment
What does fulfillment mean to you? What does a fulfilling life look like to you? How would you know anyway? Does this matter?
Yes, it does matter. In fact, engaging in activities in your career, with your family, at your home--that you value gives your life deep meaning. Spending time with people who share your values enhances your sense of well-being. Being connected to others makes you feel part of something bigger in good times and bad.
We are often asked, "how's it going?" It's a closed-ended question begging a reply like "good" "not bad" "ok" or "just fine." Unfortunately, the quality of our life merits more than a glib answer at least to ourselves. If we keep moving along, riding the tide of busy daily activities, we may never dive deeper to find out what lies beneath the surface, i.e. what is really happening now? We can change that. By slowing down long enough to "check in" with what is going on without judging, we can either affirm that what we are doing is what we want--or we can identify areas for improvement so that our lives become more intentional.
As human beings with a wide range of emotions and feelings, our mood and mindset are always shifting. The season, the temperature, the lack of daylight, the mood of the people at work or home, the amount of quality sleep--are but a few of the many things that affect us and influence how we feel about anything. Some days we get great joy from our personal relationships. Other days, they are just ok. That shift is normal. We aren't capable of non-stop bliss or perfection. We are capable of changing, though. When we slow down long enough to notice we want more, then we are in the "sweet spot" whereby we can find it.
Abraham Lincoln once said that it's not the years in your life--but the life in your years that counts. With that in mind, take your fulfillment temperature. Be open to what comes up from reflecting on this. If you discover you spend too much time on things that don't fulfill you--you have an opportunity to change. If you discover you are exactly where you'd like to be, doing just what you like, then consider yourself affirmed. If you are not sure--don't worry--keep asking because the answers will surface eventually.
We have but one precious life. Not every moment can be thoughtful, worthwhile and well spent. However, our lives must give us a sense of fulfillment, a sense of power, a sense of place--and that will bring a sense of happiness that we created ourselves. That, itself, is profoundly meaningful and fulfilling.
Yes, it does matter. In fact, engaging in activities in your career, with your family, at your home--that you value gives your life deep meaning. Spending time with people who share your values enhances your sense of well-being. Being connected to others makes you feel part of something bigger in good times and bad.
We are often asked, "how's it going?" It's a closed-ended question begging a reply like "good" "not bad" "ok" or "just fine." Unfortunately, the quality of our life merits more than a glib answer at least to ourselves. If we keep moving along, riding the tide of busy daily activities, we may never dive deeper to find out what lies beneath the surface, i.e. what is really happening now? We can change that. By slowing down long enough to "check in" with what is going on without judging, we can either affirm that what we are doing is what we want--or we can identify areas for improvement so that our lives become more intentional.
As human beings with a wide range of emotions and feelings, our mood and mindset are always shifting. The season, the temperature, the lack of daylight, the mood of the people at work or home, the amount of quality sleep--are but a few of the many things that affect us and influence how we feel about anything. Some days we get great joy from our personal relationships. Other days, they are just ok. That shift is normal. We aren't capable of non-stop bliss or perfection. We are capable of changing, though. When we slow down long enough to notice we want more, then we are in the "sweet spot" whereby we can find it.
Abraham Lincoln once said that it's not the years in your life--but the life in your years that counts. With that in mind, take your fulfillment temperature. Be open to what comes up from reflecting on this. If you discover you spend too much time on things that don't fulfill you--you have an opportunity to change. If you discover you are exactly where you'd like to be, doing just what you like, then consider yourself affirmed. If you are not sure--don't worry--keep asking because the answers will surface eventually.
We have but one precious life. Not every moment can be thoughtful, worthwhile and well spent. However, our lives must give us a sense of fulfillment, a sense of power, a sense of place--and that will bring a sense of happiness that we created ourselves. That, itself, is profoundly meaningful and fulfilling.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
TURN YOUR ATTITUDE AROUND ALL THE TIME
I once heard that "attitude determines altitude" which means that you can go as far as you wish--as long as you maintain a positive outlook. We know that 50% of our happiness comes from our genes and our family upbringing. Ten percent of our happiness is determined by our circumstances. Forty percent of our happiness comes from our choice--to be or not.
There are so many things that can happen in the course of a day. From getting up feeling rested or not-- to the weather we see-- to the breakfast options-- to the commute to work-- to the mood in the workplace...etc. etc. etc. There are so many points along the way where we can choose to go with the flow and stay positive or get stuck in the unexpected, normal setbacks that happen all the time to everyone.
The good news is that emotions are always shifting. We cannot live in a constant state of ultimate bliss, nor can we exist in a state of misery and gloom every minute. As human beings, we are capable of a wide range of emotions, and we are capable of shifting our mindset to choose to be more positive, no matter what is happening.
This is such a critical point to remember during the weight loss process. Our attitude, mood, feelings and emotions determine how much we are willing to do. In fact, our attitude does determine our altitude. Cultivating resiliency is but one step in the right direction. We can choose to "go with the flow." It will make our lives feel less stressful. There will be less punishing, less judging and less feeling stuck. This will also contribute to a more positive outlook. We can choose to keep going. It's healthy for our bodies and our minds.
Learning from our mistakes makes sense. Dwelling on them does not. As soon as you realize you aren't where you'd like to be, then choose to shift gears. Shift your mindset too. You can make small changes. You can live a happier, fuller life, because you choose it--you want it--and you deserve it.
Spring is the season of awakening... new growth... more activity... more sunlight. Let's shift along with the seasons. Let's turn our attitude around so that we see more positive than negative and more perspective than doom and gloom. Let's get what we really want, one moment at a time.
There are so many things that can happen in the course of a day. From getting up feeling rested or not-- to the weather we see-- to the breakfast options-- to the commute to work-- to the mood in the workplace...etc. etc. etc. There are so many points along the way where we can choose to go with the flow and stay positive or get stuck in the unexpected, normal setbacks that happen all the time to everyone.
The good news is that emotions are always shifting. We cannot live in a constant state of ultimate bliss, nor can we exist in a state of misery and gloom every minute. As human beings, we are capable of a wide range of emotions, and we are capable of shifting our mindset to choose to be more positive, no matter what is happening.
This is such a critical point to remember during the weight loss process. Our attitude, mood, feelings and emotions determine how much we are willing to do. In fact, our attitude does determine our altitude. Cultivating resiliency is but one step in the right direction. We can choose to "go with the flow." It will make our lives feel less stressful. There will be less punishing, less judging and less feeling stuck. This will also contribute to a more positive outlook. We can choose to keep going. It's healthy for our bodies and our minds.
Learning from our mistakes makes sense. Dwelling on them does not. As soon as you realize you aren't where you'd like to be, then choose to shift gears. Shift your mindset too. You can make small changes. You can live a happier, fuller life, because you choose it--you want it--and you deserve it.
Spring is the season of awakening... new growth... more activity... more sunlight. Let's shift along with the seasons. Let's turn our attitude around so that we see more positive than negative and more perspective than doom and gloom. Let's get what we really want, one moment at a time.
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
It is Always Today
When I was leaving for vacation last week, I was picked up by the Uber driver in the dark at 5AM--and after four hours of sleep with my eyes half closed, I said, "It feels like yesterday." He said, "No, it is always today." Profound words to live by. When I was at a yoga training a few weeks ago, we had to read a book called "The Power of Now" for a discussion about mindfulness--which means staying grounded in the present without judging. I am sensing a recurring theme here, because the weekly topic at Weight Watchers is about starting over and turning things around which is something we can only do in the present.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery promised to no one. Today, the present, is the gift. We can never go back and undo our damage. We can never go back and unsay our hurtful words. We can never go back to yesterday and replay it. In the same way, we can never leap into the future. Time travel is only in books of fiction. All we can do is operate in the present moment. Whew, because this is a big relief to realize I can only do the work that is directly in front of me. No more and no less and no judging.
One of the reasons many of us give up on our goals or lose sight of the "big picture" is that we stay stuck in the past and feel doomed by it. Not so. Just because we may have made some mistakes and choices we would rather have not does not mean that in the present moment we can't make better choices and be proud of our decisions. It is always today. Ta-da! Today I can choose to do something entirely different. I can eat fruit for snacks and pack vegetables. I can shop the salad bar for all my favorite salad toppings and create great salads at home with my bags of lettuce. I can choose to stay focused on only the work directly in front of me.
No, we don't pretend the past didn't happen. Let's learn from it. Let's understand it. Let's move on from it. Yes, we can plan for good things in the future, but we live in the present. So, I can't eat my healthy meals for tomorrow today, but I can have a stocked fridge with healthy options. I can only operate in the present time--that is today.
It can be a relief to know that we don't have to deal with anything more than what we have today. It breaks our work down into manageable pieces. It breaks our stress down so we don't become overwhelmed. Anxiety is about borrowing worry that may never occur. That's stressful, and stress is fattening.
What do you have to do today? What do you have to let go of from yesterday to move on? Let it be enough.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery promised to no one. Today, the present, is the gift. We can never go back and undo our damage. We can never go back and unsay our hurtful words. We can never go back to yesterday and replay it. In the same way, we can never leap into the future. Time travel is only in books of fiction. All we can do is operate in the present moment. Whew, because this is a big relief to realize I can only do the work that is directly in front of me. No more and no less and no judging.
One of the reasons many of us give up on our goals or lose sight of the "big picture" is that we stay stuck in the past and feel doomed by it. Not so. Just because we may have made some mistakes and choices we would rather have not does not mean that in the present moment we can't make better choices and be proud of our decisions. It is always today. Ta-da! Today I can choose to do something entirely different. I can eat fruit for snacks and pack vegetables. I can shop the salad bar for all my favorite salad toppings and create great salads at home with my bags of lettuce. I can choose to stay focused on only the work directly in front of me.
No, we don't pretend the past didn't happen. Let's learn from it. Let's understand it. Let's move on from it. Yes, we can plan for good things in the future, but we live in the present. So, I can't eat my healthy meals for tomorrow today, but I can have a stocked fridge with healthy options. I can only operate in the present time--that is today.
It can be a relief to know that we don't have to deal with anything more than what we have today. It breaks our work down into manageable pieces. It breaks our stress down so we don't become overwhelmed. Anxiety is about borrowing worry that may never occur. That's stressful, and stress is fattening.
What do you have to do today? What do you have to let go of from yesterday to move on? Let it be enough.
Sunday, March 26, 2017
How Gratitude and Mindfulness are Weight Loss Tools
Three years ago I started my yoga certification journey. This has involved lots of expensive training, self study and reflection. At my first Level 1 Training, the instructor wore a yoga shirt that said "gratitude" on it. I had no idea how yoga and gratitude were connected? I was too new to even ask. Then, a few months later, I went to my Level 2 training and conference where the yoga boutique sold "gratitude" t shirts. Again, I was wondering--what's the deal? Wherein lies the connection between yoga and gratitude?
At this point, several years later, I am happy to report that I figured it out. When people are grateful, they are NOT JUDGING. They are living in the moment, slowing down long enough to pay attention to what IS and WHAT IS POSITIVE and not focusing even one minute on what is not. Oprah likes to find three things every day to be grateful for. She's OPRAH! Aren't these things obvious to her? Apparently not. Sometimes, she says she scrapes the bottom of the barrel and is grateful for her eyebrows. You get the picture.
This brings us to mindfulness. The buzz word of today. When people are grounded in the present moment, they are mindful. They pay attention to what is with NO JUDGING. There it is. These two practices are linked directly. For example, when I focus my senses on what is going on today, I notice the color of the sky, the feel of the cold or warmth or breeze on my skin. I smell my coffee and taste my food slowly. I hear things--songs, words or happy dogs barking at the mail person.
How many times over twelve years have I weighed someone who is disappointed in their progress. I say--you are down ,6. They say--that's it? Really? It should be more--I went to the gym. I sacrificed. I did my part. They are not satisfied with what is, because they are comparing it to something that isn't. No gratitude there--no mindfulness and plenty of judging and comparing.
We know that judging ourselves and others doesn't lead to happiness It leads to jealousy and frustration. That is fattening and self sabotaging. This week, let's stay grounded in the moment as it unfolds. No rehashing the past and no inviting anxiety about the future. Pay attention to what is right in front of you. Pay attention to your feelings, your thoughts, how your body feels. Notice nature and weather and your yard. Stay grounded in what's real and not technology. Natural elements are destressing. Man-made elements are not nearly as calming. Think of a majestic mountain...now think of a skyscraper. Think of walking by the majestic mountain. Think of taking the elevator in the skyscraper. It's a wholeheartedly disparate feeling.
Believe it or not, one day you may look back and wish you could do today over again. You may one day wish you appreciated what you had when you had it because life has presented you with even more challenges.
Let's not waste what goodness we have. Let's slow down long enough to be glad that this day--is the one we have--let's appreciate it in our thoughts and actions. It will bring happiness. And if we feel happy, we do better. Get on the train.
At this point, several years later, I am happy to report that I figured it out. When people are grateful, they are NOT JUDGING. They are living in the moment, slowing down long enough to pay attention to what IS and WHAT IS POSITIVE and not focusing even one minute on what is not. Oprah likes to find three things every day to be grateful for. She's OPRAH! Aren't these things obvious to her? Apparently not. Sometimes, she says she scrapes the bottom of the barrel and is grateful for her eyebrows. You get the picture.
This brings us to mindfulness. The buzz word of today. When people are grounded in the present moment, they are mindful. They pay attention to what is with NO JUDGING. There it is. These two practices are linked directly. For example, when I focus my senses on what is going on today, I notice the color of the sky, the feel of the cold or warmth or breeze on my skin. I smell my coffee and taste my food slowly. I hear things--songs, words or happy dogs barking at the mail person.
How many times over twelve years have I weighed someone who is disappointed in their progress. I say--you are down ,6. They say--that's it? Really? It should be more--I went to the gym. I sacrificed. I did my part. They are not satisfied with what is, because they are comparing it to something that isn't. No gratitude there--no mindfulness and plenty of judging and comparing.
We know that judging ourselves and others doesn't lead to happiness It leads to jealousy and frustration. That is fattening and self sabotaging. This week, let's stay grounded in the moment as it unfolds. No rehashing the past and no inviting anxiety about the future. Pay attention to what is right in front of you. Pay attention to your feelings, your thoughts, how your body feels. Notice nature and weather and your yard. Stay grounded in what's real and not technology. Natural elements are destressing. Man-made elements are not nearly as calming. Think of a majestic mountain...now think of a skyscraper. Think of walking by the majestic mountain. Think of taking the elevator in the skyscraper. It's a wholeheartedly disparate feeling.
Believe it or not, one day you may look back and wish you could do today over again. You may one day wish you appreciated what you had when you had it because life has presented you with even more challenges.
Let's not waste what goodness we have. Let's slow down long enough to be glad that this day--is the one we have--let's appreciate it in our thoughts and actions. It will bring happiness. And if we feel happy, we do better. Get on the train.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
We Help Each Other
We are all part of something greater than ourselves. We are born into a family with parents, siblings and relatives. We live alongside a collection of neighbors. We participate in faith communities. We go to places where people who feel the way we do, go as well. When we have problems, we seek the counsel of others to help us along.
On the path to self improvement, we need a like-minded community to cheer us on when we are doing well and to remind us that we can succeed when we are not. We need to hear the voice of reason from those who understand exactly what it feels like. We need the camaraderie and the friendship, the understanding and forgiveness that comes from a shared experience. You don't have to be an extrovert to feel this way. Introverts benefit from power of the group as well.
When it comes to weight loss, we make many of our decisions alone. With 200 choices per day to make about food it grows tiresome. This is why we need the group to keep us going. We need to normalize our experiences and appreciate the fact that everyone trying to make better choices does not automatically make better choices. It takes a lot of practice and a desire to keep moving no matter what happens. It's emotional.
More research is coming out about how important our feelings are when it comes to weight loss. First we think, then we feel, then we do. When we keep our thoughts to ourselves, we believe they are true even if they make no sense. We automatically act on that assumption. However, by sharing experiences and ideas, we can separate fact from fiction and improve behavior.
No single person is an island. It would be too lonely. The next time you feel you need more support or help or advice or just an airing out of your ideas, share them with someone you trust. Get them out in the open and off your back. If you are doing well, kudos. If you are not doing as well as you'd like, then let a friend remind you that you are stronger than you may know.
We never outgrow our need for a pat on the back--a friendly smile from someone who is glad to see us--or a reality check. This helps us keep going, stay focused and on track.
You deserve a great life. You deserve to weigh what you want. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Start right now.
On the path to self improvement, we need a like-minded community to cheer us on when we are doing well and to remind us that we can succeed when we are not. We need to hear the voice of reason from those who understand exactly what it feels like. We need the camaraderie and the friendship, the understanding and forgiveness that comes from a shared experience. You don't have to be an extrovert to feel this way. Introverts benefit from power of the group as well.
When it comes to weight loss, we make many of our decisions alone. With 200 choices per day to make about food it grows tiresome. This is why we need the group to keep us going. We need to normalize our experiences and appreciate the fact that everyone trying to make better choices does not automatically make better choices. It takes a lot of practice and a desire to keep moving no matter what happens. It's emotional.
More research is coming out about how important our feelings are when it comes to weight loss. First we think, then we feel, then we do. When we keep our thoughts to ourselves, we believe they are true even if they make no sense. We automatically act on that assumption. However, by sharing experiences and ideas, we can separate fact from fiction and improve behavior.
No single person is an island. It would be too lonely. The next time you feel you need more support or help or advice or just an airing out of your ideas, share them with someone you trust. Get them out in the open and off your back. If you are doing well, kudos. If you are not doing as well as you'd like, then let a friend remind you that you are stronger than you may know.
We never outgrow our need for a pat on the back--a friendly smile from someone who is glad to see us--or a reality check. This helps us keep going, stay focused and on track.
You deserve a great life. You deserve to weigh what you want. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Start right now.
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
NOW--- What?
I just returned from five intense days of yoga training in Chicago. These are very long days of body and mind work with a hotel ballroom full of like-minded yogis who have been teaching, studying and training for years as well.
One of the topics we covered was the power of "NOW." It's common to hear expressions like--live in the moment, take a deep breath, let go, be here now. However, it is very uncommon to actually practice this. We are hardwired to review the past or jump into the future. The problem is that we are NOT living in the present. The present is all we have. The past is over, so we benefit from training the brain to leave it there. The future and anxiety and worry may never even occur, so we benefit from leaving it there. Then, and only then, can we look at where we are with clear eyes and stay focused in the moment.
This may sound very "out there," but the practical application of living in the moment is enormously worthwhile. Concerning ourselves with what is actually happening now calms us down. This is a form of active stress reduction. What is the next right thing, in front of me, at this moment? Regarding self improvement and weight loss in particular, this is also a relief. I can't do everything (exercise at 5AM every day, look like I did when I was 20...). I can't undo the things from my past that I now regret (ate or drank too much, skipped the gym, indulged in office trick/treat). Enough! Stay focused on what can be done. The next right thing.
Behold the power of "NOW." That's all you have.
The past is history. Leave it behind.
The future is a mystery. Leave it there.
The present is the gift--that is what is real, what is grounding and what matters.
One of the topics we covered was the power of "NOW." It's common to hear expressions like--live in the moment, take a deep breath, let go, be here now. However, it is very uncommon to actually practice this. We are hardwired to review the past or jump into the future. The problem is that we are NOT living in the present. The present is all we have. The past is over, so we benefit from training the brain to leave it there. The future and anxiety and worry may never even occur, so we benefit from leaving it there. Then, and only then, can we look at where we are with clear eyes and stay focused in the moment.
This may sound very "out there," but the practical application of living in the moment is enormously worthwhile. Concerning ourselves with what is actually happening now calms us down. This is a form of active stress reduction. What is the next right thing, in front of me, at this moment? Regarding self improvement and weight loss in particular, this is also a relief. I can't do everything (exercise at 5AM every day, look like I did when I was 20...). I can't undo the things from my past that I now regret (ate or drank too much, skipped the gym, indulged in office trick/treat). Enough! Stay focused on what can be done. The next right thing.
Behold the power of "NOW." That's all you have.
The past is history. Leave it behind.
The future is a mystery. Leave it there.
The present is the gift--that is what is real, what is grounding and what matters.
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