Routines to the Rescue

When life gets crazy, it is our habits, routines, rituals that come to the rescue to keep us grounded and keep us going.  Which is precisely why it is so important to put them in place and stick to them when it is easy, so our "muscle memory" can kick in when times get tough.

This is so evident in the past year of worldwide upheaval.  No structure, no routine, no clarity about what comes first, second.  Shower today? Or...sweatpants again?  It's been a rude awakening.  Left to our own devices, I dare say, most of us don't do as well.  We need the supports of appointments, schedules, expectations.  

The chance of life getting crazy are about 100%.  I have been trying to eat dinner for about an hour now.  It's not ideal.  It's not lovely.  It's not an occasion, but I am working with someone on a project, and she is in the Philippines.  A twelve hour time difference makes it very challenging.  Hence, STUPID DINNER as I call it.  It's not the end of the world, but it is frustrating when things don't go the way we'd prefer.  

So, let's go big!  How would you like your day to go?  Is there an ideal time to get up (which means an ideal time to go to bed).  Is there an ideal time for exercise, meals, meditation, journaling, dog walking?  Is there a time limit on social media or tv watching?  Is there an ideal time of the day/week to shop?  Sketching out your ideal scenario, and then being the adult in the room and sticking to what you sketched is the goal.  That way, when your day gets upended, you will be able to pivot and get back on track more quickly because you are not totally unmoored--you are simply off track for a MOMENT.

Sometimes your "Plan B" is the plan that gets carried out more often than Plan A.  That's life, but it is not an excuse to abandon your healthy habits.  Just adjust them and keep moving.  Your health, your wellness--your precious life is worth it.  And so are you!

Getting Re-Motivated

There is a big misunderstanding about motivation, and that misunderstanding stems from thinking that once you find it, you have it forever.  Not even close.  

Another misunderstanding about motivation is that it comes from someone or something outside yourself.  Not true either.  Motivation to do anything or think anything has to come from within.  There has to be something inside yourself that sparks and then flares and them flames.  Those flames eventually can get stoked by inspiration from the outside world--people, places, pets, activity, accomplishment, connection, nature, weight loss, team sports, hobbies, etc.  It's really whatever captures your interest in your heart--and makes you happy, which has a way of keeping your mind and body engaged.  Human beings are hard-wired for pleasure, and a little bit of pleasure makes us want more.

Motivation is an endless resource; however, it ebbs and flows with your own emotions, the weather, the times, the pandemic, your finances, your sleeping, etc.  Because of this, you have to make it a priority to invest time and attention in yourself and those people, places and things that keep you interested and inspired.  Think of this as a "happiness project."  Ask yourself if you could create more happiness (which leads to feeling good which leads to feeling motivated) where do you need to place your attention?  Is it exercise, eating right, walking the dog, painting?  Whatever that is, make it your focus and just do it.  By identifying the things that bring more pleasure to your life, you are back to fanning the flames of inspiration and motivation.  If you create habits or daily rituals around those things, you cultivate more motivating "supports" in your life so that you feel more positive, optimistic and engaged with your own personal development and that which re-motivates you.   

Does this mean you will never be depressed or feel bad and unmotivated?  No!  It's normal to have periods in your life where you are decidedly unmotivated.  It is not normal to stay there.  

Commit to yourself this week, and identify who and what keep you interested and wanting more?  That's where your re-motivation lies.  

Just Say No to Self Sabotage (Shut up, Archie Bunker Voice)

There's a voice in our heads that tells stories.  Stories of failure, of shame, of not measuring up to the challenges, tales of fear of the unknown.  It is our job to pause and fact check those stories.  This matters because the voice we tune into most often is our own. 

What we believe is true is what we keep telling ourselves is true.  If what we are telling ourselves is patently untrue, we can choose to dismiss those stories and do the opposite.  I am calling this the "Archie Bunker" effect.  If you remember this tv show from long ago, basically the curmudgeonly main character, Archie, was always full of bad advice.  To wit, if you just do the opposite of Archie, you will be on the right track.  

At the same time, let's consider the subtle messages we accept.  Messages like "being fit is impossible." There is too much work involved, and you don't like the gym.  If you accept this premise, then you have decided that it's not going to happen, and no matter what evidence comes your way that says being at the gym is fun, and getter fitter can happen, you automatically refuse to accept that.  

This is self sabotage which gets in the way of making a change for the better in the body or the mind.  This week, consider what quiet voices you have been listening to that LIMIT YOUR POTENTIAL.  Any statement that begins with "I can't.  It will never happen.  I don't know even know what to do or where to begin." are good places to explore.  Challenge those thoughts with the exact opposite.  "I can.  I can make something happen by starting small.  I can ask for help." 

This precious life of ours is a work in progress today, tomorrow and always.  The sky is the limit, IF you choose to see it that way.  I encourage you to see it that very way.  

How to Assess What's Going Right--and then Repeat

As adults who live in our heads so much of the time, it can be tricky trying to figure out how well or not, things are going.  When it comes to weight, check the scale on a regular (weekly or daily) basis and find out.  The scale will tell you where you at that precise moment, yes, but it won't tell you how you got there unless you look backwards and revisit all the details.  Take a webcam to your behavior, to the people, the places, the environment, the situations you found yourself in over the past week.  Did anything pose a problem?  Did anything challenge you?  Did anyone make it easier or harder for you?  How did you feel?  Where did you go?  And, duh--what did you eat?  

By "rewinding the tape" we can figure out when, where, how and why things went well so that we can repeat those very things and get more of WHAT we really want.  Our past actions that brought success are a predictor of what we can do in the future.

Today I was on back to back zoom calls.  One was for my speaking business and one was for my book publishing.  These two pursuits are connected because my plan is to do speaking on themes from my book.  This led me to look through my notes from the past several months and revisit the goals I had set for myself.  But by doing this, I got to be reminded of the goals I achieved and then I got to revisit the things that need more focus and attention.  I asked myself how I got this far?  One moment at a time, I built on what I wanted by being consistent and refusing to give up on my dreams.  

By giving myself time and NO JUDGMENT to reflect on what's working, I am reminded that celebrating the big victory--the WHAT of what you want is great fun, but the when, where, how and why is the journey that delivered me to that powerful moment.  The when, where, how and why is the makings of regular life.  The WHAT is the red-letter, glittery fabulous success with so much hard work firing it up.  

What Do You Care About Anyway--What Do You Value

Your values and what you care about the most are what guide you to make decisions in your life.  However, we human beings make decisions in the moment, based on what is directly in front of us.  Reduce friction.  Go with what's easy.  The problem with that approach is that we risk missing out on big picture wins that result from consistent effort, over time that actually align with our values, thereby bringing more fulfillment to our lives.

Let's consider self preservation for a moment.  Preserve your livelihood, your health, your weight, your sanity, your ability to maintain your composure without overreacting, your relationships....  Pick any one of these things.  These are big picture wins that involve lots of little actions every day.  I am thinking of my sanity and how important it is to me that I don't let little things get me down.  That might present in a variety of ways--including what time I wake up in the morning to what news I choose to ingest to what conversations I get involved in with my family.  So I choose lots of small actions in the moment, to reap the reward of less stress and more sanity as I go along.  The theme music from Frozen is coming to mind--let it go... let it go...

The reason this is so important is that when we consider what's important we can simplify our lives and reduce stress.  Especially now that the pandemic has taken its toll and current events have shocked us to our very core--our nervous system is in OVERDRIVE.  This is so unhealthy in so many ways.  We all care about our health--mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.  

This week, I encourage you to reflect on what you value most.  Get down to specifics.  Look at the big picture--and then walk that vision back to what it looks like on a daily basis.  If you value your fitness, then doing physical activity on a regular basis is part of that vision.  Committing to a routine at a set time and place is what the "little action" looks like so that you get the reward of increased fitness.  

In these crazy times, this is something we can control, and so this is something that can improve no matter what kind of craziness takes place elsewhere.  That alone is a powerful vision.

Look Forward a Few Months to Be Intentional Now

With so much information and inspiration and tips and ideas floating around now that 2021 is here--AHEM--I find a lot of it conflicting.  Some things I have read include:  dream big--bigger than ever--don't limit yourself; as well as start small--start where you are at with one little thing.  How about this one--2021 will make up for 2020?  The truth is, anyone can say anything they want, but if it doesn't ring true to you, then it doesn't matter who said it or what they said.

At this point, almost a week in to the new year, we know that "everything" hasn't changed just because the calendar year flipped.  It's a start, and it might just be the refreshing start we need to move forward.  With that in mind, let's imagine your future self three months from today.  Let's imagine where you'd like to be, what you'd like to be doing, what you'd like to be wearing, how you'd like to be feeling.  Take a moment and really think about this.  This is YOU in April of 2021.  Now imagine that your future self is thanking you for what you are doing right now, in January.  Now choose ONE thing you can do NOW to make that happen.  Decide what that is, when and how that will happen.  Focus on it.  Make it your intention.  And just like that, you can move yourself along in your journey.  

This doesn't have to be dramatic.  It might be very simple.  Start exercising again, 10 minutes a day. It might be cleaning out the cupboards and ridding yourself of temptation.  It might be a healthy food delivery service once a week.  It might be starting a journal with one sentence per day.  Whatever you choose, you are investing in yourself NOW so that you can start over again. 

My go-to workout, Orangetheory Fitness is getting pushed aside a bit because of an inflamed joint in my hip.  I count on that gym to deliver the workout, inspire me for the day, hold me accountable.  Unfortunately, I have to take a much gentler approach right now and do lots of therapy (it's really back yoga).  I decided not to be upset and angry about this.  I decided that if starting simply is healing my back after an entire year of managing the pain in my back, I will do it.  I got the message--too much high intensity interval training is not working.  I am being forced to start small, and I am not adding more friction to this reality.  My future self is thanking me already.   Yours will too.  

Being Present for What Is

I am hearing a lot of talk about kicking 2020 to the curb for obvious reasons. We want to be done with the hardship, loneliness, isolation and tragic loss that the pandemic has created.  That makes sense.  Avoid pain.  Seek pleasure.  It's primal.  However, "done" is relative and comes a little gradually.  The pandemic year (2020) will still be felt in 2021, even as I call 2021 "the year of the vaccine."  

It won't take much for a lot of us to see 2021 as being "better" than 2020.  We will be coming out of these modern day "dark ages."  However, by dwelling on getting "this" over with robs us from living in "this moment" which is what being mindful and non judgmental is all about.  Being mindful means we don't dwell on the past.  Other years had vacations and parties and travel.  This year had couches and Netflix and masks.  BOO. We also don't rush to anticipate the future which is not here yet.  As soon as I get the vaccine, I'm good to go.  YEAH!  Wait a second--it's not a switch that gets flipped.  This is a process.  Just like your long healthy life is a process not an event.

This year, like all years prior, I sent out Christmas cards.  This year, however, I asked people on Instagram if they wanted a card from me.  Some people said yes, and I happily sent them a card.  How old fashioned to get a card in the mail if you aren't used to it.  This year gave time and space for that to happen.  I saved those addresses of people I normally don't send to, and guess what--they are getting a card again next year.  Connection--look how much we crave it.  

With Christmas a few days away, I am encountering a lot of long faces and booing and hooing.  Yet, this is what it IS.  This holiday season cannot be anything other than what it is.  The same way YOU cannot be anyone other than who you are.  With that in mind, pause a moment and look at what you do have.  If it's your health, you WIN.  If it's a family of origin or choice, you WIN.  If it's a beloved pet, you WIN.  If it's comfort and security in your home, you WIN.  If it's a dream in your heart for others who have less, you WIN.  If it's gratitude for the moment, you WIN.  If it's a deep breath landing over your heart as your heart smiles back at you, you WIN.  If you notice these things, you WIN.  That's what this season IS.

You are at the Center of Your Life

In qi gong, yoga and regular old fitness at the gym, the instructor always says--it all starts from the center.  The code word for that nowadays is the core.  Just like an apple has a center--its core that started with its core--a seed--and without that seed, it would never develop into a round piece of fruit we'd recognize at the grocery store, we too have a core inside of us.  This is both physical and metaphorical.  When what is inside of us is firmly planted and nurtured, we have the power to grow into what we imagine.  Strengthening and protecting the core is significant because the world around us can be harsh.  We might get blown around by influences that interfere with our own value, standing and stability.

You get the metaphor. You are smart.  But, let's consider how often we might let something that interferes with our core values hinder us.  Consider that your times is a precious commodity as a core value.  You take care to guard it so that you say NO to what you don't care about and YES to what you do care about.  On a daily basis, that might mean that you say NO to sleeping in and YES to getting up early and getting your day started on the right track.  It also might mean that you say NO to things that take up too much of your time and offer too little in return.  What if someone said--how about we go and do a field trip to the mall for...?  And, you know this person always takes an excessively long time to look and select items.  Maybe you declare that you have an hour for this activity, but then you have to go.  That preserves your interests (your CORE value that your time is precious) and also allows you to enjoy your friend and your activity together.

The pandemic has given us extra time to think about what matters.  Life has changed so drastically, we can't help but reconsider how we live.  Giving away your time for people or things that don't matter to you is not fulfilling.  It leaves less time and more resentment in its wake.  

It's time to reflect on what you really care about.  What are those seeds that have been planted by your parents and teachers?  What is waiting for more nurturing?  What needs to grow a little more, inside of you, so that you get more life outside of you?  And, what might you consider saying NO to, so that you strengthen your CORE, your resolve, to say YES to yourself?

Pivot with Your Routines to Stay Motivated

It's that time of year, and we are heading into the long winter's night which means that it is time to switch things around.  Nature is actually cuing us to make a change.  So, let's go "with the flow" not against it, and consider our options.

When it comes to food, we start craving heartier fare.  That might mean more calories, but it doesn't have to.  There are plenty of ways to eat healthfully and still get those comfort foods in.  Think about stews, soups and curries.  Think about crock pot cooking or sheet pan cooking where you can get it all done in one vessel (less clean up).   Think about an aromatic tray of baked frozen peaches.  YUM.  That always makes me feel comforted and can satisfy sweets cravings.

As for activity, it's a mindset game.  Is going outdoors for multiple ten minute walks in the cold, dressed for the weather, more appealing and more sustainable than a 30 minute walk in the dark after dinner?  You decide.  Is looking at the weather itself as something to be embraced yet another mindset shift that might make it more likely that you will explore the great outdoors despite the cold temps?  Is finding a buddy to walk with or work out with (even remotely) another pivot for this time of year?  Why--because activity is a mood booster and good for the body and mind and sleep.  

Speaking of sleep, let's consider what it takes to get quality sleep and commit to it.  I know I sleep more in the winter than I do in the summer.  It's dark.  It's easier to go to bed when it's dark for so long.  That's ok.  I am "going with the flow."  I just read that getting good quality sleep helps vaccines work better.  I'll be getting a vaccine sometime soonish, I am hoping, so I will remember this little nugget.

Consider one idea, or all of the above ideas to change with the season and embrace the time you have so that you get more of the health and wellness you are looking for.  You are worth the effort.  

Counting Blessings--and Remembering

It was the day before Thanksgiving nineteen years ago when my second daughter, Natalie, woke up very ill. She was just six weeks away from the open heart surgery that corrected a congenital heart defect (vsd), and she had a fever and was vomiting.  She was 5 1/2 months old, and she was still very small for her age because of failing to thrive for the first four months of life due to the defect.  We called the pediatrician who said to come right in.  Since we had been so consumed with her heart health since her birth, we assumed there must be a problem.  They took blood, and it showed an unbelievably high white count (sign of infection).  It was such an unexpected result that they repeated the test.  The pediatrician contacted the cardiologist who said to come right in.  

It was an unusually warm, sunny 60' day in November in Minnesota.  I had already done the Thanksgiving shopping, decorated the table with fresh flower arrangements.  We were expecting my sister to arrive from New York.  Yet, we found ourselves at Children's Hospital once again.  The cardiologist quickly determined there was nothing wrong with her heart and contacted the oncology service for further testing.  We were immediately admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, which we were familiar with having spent time there after her heart surgery.  It was surreal.  

More blood was drawn.  I tried to comfort Natalie.  We were waiting.  Then our cardiologist, Dr. Singh, walked in to tell us that Natalie had leukemia.  I didn't hear it, because when the oncologist came in to tell us that they are pretty certain which kind of leukemia we were dealing with (Acute Myelogenous Leukemia) the more aggressive type of leukemia, I didn't comprehend what she was saying either.  I couldn't believe there was anything so wrong with my precious baby girl.  

And just like that, our lives changed forever.  

I got to spend the night with Natalie in the PICU even though that wasn't usually allowed.  I held her in the bed and tried to comfort her, as life as I ever knew it came tumbling down around me.  It was not just Thanksgiving that was spent in Children's Hospital.  It was Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, and then finally, on a snowy Easter morning we got to bring our Natalie home for good with a feeding tube, a methadone drip, a catheter inside her chest.  Life was truly upside down.

I cannot help remembering that year, every single year.  I wish I could forget, but the PTSD that I got from the hospital experience won't let me.  So, it is nineteen years later, and despite the pandemic and all the ups and downs the world has seen, I remain blessed beyond belief for my daughter, for her survival after three resuscitations, for her life, for her health and for the health of my family.  

Gratitude Is a Goal

With Thanksgiving coming up while the virus is surging, we are all facing a very different kind of holiday this year.  Hopes of being together--just physically being together--are now flattened because of covid.  

Plan B--what will you do now?  How will you make this time feel worthwhile and important, positive and full of thanks?  Maybe it will be the traditional foods that make the holiday feel, smell and taste like you want it to?  Maybe it will be a new tradition to explore?  Maybe it will be a zoom connection with people you might not normally gather with?  However you plan to do it, it has to be meaningful to you. 

This does not have to be the best Thanksgiving of your life.  It doesn't have to be the worst either.  It is the Thanksgiving that just is.  It will be memorable in its own way, I am pretty sure.  

So this brings me to my focus on gratitude as an attitude to cultivate in daily life no matter what is going on around you.  First, make it a goal of yours to focus on what you are grateful for so that you always have more.  Second, set aside time in the day to note what you are grateful for so that you can appreciate and re-appreciate what those things are.  Third, consider writing those things down in a notebook and keeping track of all that you are taking the time to notice.  Fourth, let it be enough.  REPEAT.  

I have been giving this a lot of thought.  I usually have quieter Thanksgivings.  I usually teach yoga at the YMCA in a gym full of happy people.  I usually workout at Orangetheory Fitness afterwards.  I have attended interfaith Thanksgiving services.  This year, it will be quieter than before.  This year, the yoga will be online.  This year, I am not going to any gym or service.  This year, I will be counting my blessings.  

I will tell you about my worst Thanksgiving next week...

Plan to Be OK Now

It's no joke.  Covid fatigue and frustration are here.  So is the surge.  Don't even ask yourself if it could get worse, because we don't want to know the answer to that one.  As I write this, I am thinking of my former home (Chicago) going into lockdown for a month.  So what does that leave us with?  How are we supposed to practice health and wellness lifestyle tips and stay positive with a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset and keep going with so much chaos?

The answer came to me at my workout yesterday. The coach started the workout by quoting Winston Churchill.  "Success is not final.  Failure is not fatal.  It is the courage to continue that counts."  That courage to continue and be ok with what comes--is where we are right now.  

With Thanksgiving only two weeks away, it is becoming painfully clear how different this will be from other years for most of us.  Yet, that is precisely the problem.  This is Thanksgiving 2020.  Comparing this holiday to years gone by robs us of the joy we might find in the present moment.  

I say yes to planning for things to go well.  I say yes to keeping the traditions that will serve you and keep the holiday meaningful to you.  I say yes to starting a new tradition or planning a new activity.  I say no to overeating and excess.  It just won't help.  

It is always a practice to stay in the present moment.  It is always a challenge to not focus on the past or the future.  They have no power, yet they preoccupy us and trouble us and make us depressed and anxious.  Free yourself to be ok--or even better than ok--but OK about what happens this year with holidays so that you can actually enjoy whatever surprises might come your way.  

Kindness is a Virtue

When times are as tough as they have been lately, I recommend coming back to the very simple lessons we probably learned in kindergarten.  BE KIND.  A variation of this message might include TREAT OTHERS the way YOU'D LIKE TO BE TREATED. 

Being kind to yourself, first and foremost is enormously important.  You live in your own head all of the time.  This is especially problematic nowadays.  When you are stressed--or in the waiting stages of something to happen (When will Covid be over?  When will the election be decided?) you are less likely to practice the virtues of kindness and patience that you need the most.  It's ironic and unhelpful. 

All is not lost.  By being aware of the fact that you are NOT being kind to yourself through negative self talk, criticism, etc., you have the power to shift.  You have the control to move away from those thoughts by dismissing them.  You have the awareness that negativity will not help you, and so you turn that negativity inside out and talk to yourself the way a favorite person from your life would talk to you.

My French teacher, Madame Jeannine Holman, from Paris, was this person for me.  She always managed to make the world ok when  I was being too hard on myself.  She died ten years ago, but I have saved years of her letters.  In her French handwriting, even at the end of her life--in her shaky handwriting, she managed to make the world a better place for me.  So, it is she I often think of when I need that boost.  When I want to be reminded that I am ok--and I will be ok.  Her decency and kindness are an example to me.  Somehow, the world seems more manageable just thinking of her.

It is the simplest of things that cannot be bought that we hang onto right now.  We need the virtue of kindness, turned inward first, and then displayed outward to the world to make it through decently.   

How Much is Enough?

In the world of excess and over the top indulgence and on-demand living, how are you supposed to know when something is enough?  Enough free time?  Enough solitude?  Enough excitement?  Enough comfort?  Enough treats?  Enough veggies?  

There is an answer to this--when you feel satisfied.  That is when you know you have had enough.  In life there is a tension between polarities, i.e. a literal pull from one extreme to the other.  Finding the balance between the extremes is the "sweet spot."  This balance enables you to live fully while also living in harmony with your values.  This doesn't imply boring.  

When it comes to chocolate, for me, a lot is usually enough.  I have been a chocolate lover since I was a little girl.  Remember, I am the one who used to order chocolate fudge nut brownie ice cream from Baskin and Robbins.  My flavor cost more, because it was loaded with more!  However, I have trained myself in my adult years to get satisfied with a whole lot less because too much chocolate means too many calories, too many points and too much regret.  My emotions and mood are OUT of balance at that point.  That doesn't feel satisfying.  It feels punishing.   

In today's world of supersize this and all you can eat that--it pays to get acquainted with a smaller plate, a smaller wine glass, a smaller popcorn bowl.  By doing that you train the eye to see a smaller (or right sized for you) portion filling up that vessel.  This tricks the eye and trains the belly to recognize that sometimes eating less actually gives you more.  More freedom.  More room for something else later.  More control.  More peace of mind.  More balance.  And more?....  well, that's for you to ponder.

Get What You Really Want

There is so much distraction going on in our world today.  Social media (excuse me, even this blog) and political or pandemic news in addition to everyone's opinion about every subject take a toll.  If you find that you are losing more than you are gaining (in the good way) from this overload, it's time to step back and reconsider what you wish to be consuming (literally and figuratively).

To this end, consider what it is about your life that brings you more happiness or contentment--what keeps you curious and interested.  Maybe things like connecting with family and friends or practicing hobbies, playing with pets, etc. are some of what rises to the top of your mind.  Now drill down on this concept a little more.  Think about what you actually control in your day that brings you joy and keeps you going.  Is it a wonderful cup of coffee or tea in the morning as you consider what you are grateful for?  Is it walking in the woods?  Is it reading your favorite author?  Is it a great dinner with loved ones?   

To put it another way, what are the things that you are in charge of (no matter what the weather, the pandemic) that make your day feel worthwhile?  Those are the things that deserve more intention and attention, because those are precisely the things that will help you thrive this season. 

Now, embrace your power.  Your thoughts are your power.  Choose to focus on the positive ones.  

Your actions are your power.  By focusing on positive thoughts, you then engage in positive actions.  

Your wishes that come from your heart are your power.  If your phone went dead, and your computer quit working--you still have the power, because the power comes from your heart.  That itself is something to be grateful for today.  

Wantpower versus Willpower

When it comes to making a change, relying on willpower is not your best bet.  Willpower expires quickly and behaves unreliably.  In contrast, wantpower can work harder and longer to set you up for success.  For example, willpower might get you past ordering dessert in a restaurant if you quickly get up and pay the check and leave.  However, if you sit at the table long enough while your friends order dessert, it will get harder and harder to resist as you watch them eating their sweets.  

To strengthen your wantpower muscles, first think of what the best version of yourself really cares about.  Do you really want to exercise before the day begins?  That sounds like it might be challenging if getting up early isn't your routine, but what if there was a reward for that behavior?  Let's say you get to buy coffee at Starbucks on the way home IF you get up early and work out.  All of a sudden that makes waking up early and exercising seem much more appealing.  It becomes a win/win.

Another way to work your "wantpower" muscles is to make one decision at the beginning of the day, and then carry that decision with you throughout day.  If you decide that you aren't having any treats today, then NO MATTER WHAT, if treats fall into your path, because you decided in advance you are not having them, you don't.  That one decision might save you from countless choices throughout the day--which makes your life feel easier and getting what you really want (more weight loss or self control) more likely.    

Protecting yourself from harm is another way to stay on track.  That means that you set up your environment to be successful.  You get the nutritious food in the house.  You leave the tempting food that challenges your control at the store.  You put your sneakers by the door.  You keep a water bottle with you and drink from it often.  Whatever it is--you stay focused by creating a safe space around you that practically delivers more success. That's the wantpower muscle at work again.  

Investing in your good health whether it is with food, exercise, mindset shifting, sleep or just de-stressing through happiness hobbies is always going to be important.  We do a little bit of the work every day in various ways.  It is not a punishment.  It is a pathway to more freedom in body and mind.  I definitely want more of that.  

Creating Happiness in Pandemic Times

No matter how we have been handling the disruption of our lives given the pandemic, one thing is very clear--if we don't focus on what we really want, then negative thoughts, changing demands, shifting expectations, news, election news, covid news will take over. This is not ok. We cannot have the stressors that come from OUTSIDE ourselves dictate how we will handle things INSIDE ourselves and INSIDE our own personal "silos" -- our homes.  

To add to the pressures that come from all of this extra coping and trying to get through, most of us are spending more time than ever before living inside our own heads.  We are rehearsing, reviewing, rehashing those 70,000 thoughts from yesterday that are looped into today.  The mind is working its wonders constantly, making leaps every eight seconds to the next thought which is on repeat.  This is very tiring.

For safety's sake, we are also spending less time interacting with new people, new places and therefore we are not having novel experiences that make life feel more interesting. This is demoralizing and a little depressing.  It is also not keeping us mentally sharp.  When we have new experiences like going on a trip or interacting with a foreign culture or meeting someone new at a party, we have to rethink how we see the world and ourselves in the world.  That's a good thing.  It's not all about YOU all the time anyway.

For these reasons, I challenge you to make your happiness part of your COV ID COPING STRATEGY.  Find something that makes you happy for ten minutes every day.  If it lasts a lot longer, so be it.  If you say that you love sitting on your porch reading, by all means, read as long as you can.  If you like dancing to music, then get up and shake it.  If you like meditating outside at sunrise, then set the alarm.  

By making your personal happiness a HIGH PRIORITY every single day for at least ten minutes, you are getting a ten minute break from the dystopian covid coaster.  You are improving your healthiness, and you are taking charge of your body, mind and spirit.  Try it, and then let me know what worked the best for you.  You are worth the effort.

Plan to Succeed No Matter What

We are susceptible to environmental cues.  We respond to the stimulus in our environment the way we always have.  Maybe it's candy or chips at the checkout or a tray of cookies coming fresh out of the oven.  Our natural instinct might be to start eating.  We like this stuff, after all.  However, if you are watching your calories, points, sugar and sat fat intake, it's time to rethink this approach.  

The next time you see something in your path that looks tempting, take a moment.  Consider your options.  Do you have to do what you always have done?  Do you have to eat all, or can you have some?  Do you have to remain near the food, or can you simply turn away and distract yourself?  

Special treats and unplanned snacks are not set in your path to make your life difficult.  They are part of life.  So, one of the best things to do when they come along is accept them as a choice that you have the POWER to make.  Cookies and chips don't control you even if they show up in unsuspecting places.  Cheese and crackers don't have feelings.  You can say NO and move on.  Or, you can incorporate them into your day even if you didn't plan for them, by being mindful.  If you eat cookies at lunch, maybe you forgo a potato at dinner.  If you have more than your fair share of crackers, maybe you lighten up with more vegetables later on or tomorrow.  What you don't do is feel guilty.  We are allowed to eat.  

The point is that there is always, always, always something you CAN do to put yourself in the driver's seat of your life.  No matter what shows up, you get to decide.  Being tempted is tough, but those temptations are not going away, and the more we practice our mindfulness skills and exercise our power over difficult situations, the better we feel.  That is success in the making.  Try it this week, with something unexpected that comes along, and see for yourself!  

   

I Think I Can, and so I WILL

Whether you think you can (fill in this blank.... run a 5K, bake a cake from scratch, lose 20 pounds) or not--you are correct.  Thinking that you can do something, having the confidence in your ability to execute your plan is the starting off point.  Then, following through on your plan is the critical next step.  Finally, reflecting on your accomplishment with self satisfaction builds more confidence and proof that you actually can do what you intended--because you did do it, and it worked out just fine.  Whew, that's a lot!

What if, on the other hand, you think you can't do something.  What if you start telling yourself things like "I can't lose weight at this age." or "I can't play pickleball." or "I can't learn a new language or instrument."  If you decide you can't do something, then you just gave up.  Your body eavesdrops on your mind and hears those messages.  Then, you find all kinds of ways to prove yourself correct.  It goes like this:  "Since I can't lose weight now that I am 70 years old, I am going out for DairyQueen whenever I feel like it."  BOOM! Therein lies the problem.  

It's so important to take time to reflect on what is going on between your ears.  Most of us have 70,000 thoughts per day.  Most of the thoughts we entertain today are the same, exact ones we had yesterday.  If you harbor negative thoughts about your body, your abilities, your weight, your competence, then you will continue to recall those negative thoughts and act on them.  None of us want to be wrong.  We want to prove our point of view.  We will self sabotage to do just that.

This week, consider what you CAN do.  Reflect on this seriously and note all the ways (great and small) that you actually DID do what you set out to do.  Then, consider what you'd like to have happen now.  Consider any self sabotaging thoughts you may have had.  Dismiss them.  Those thoughts are not helping you, and they are holding you back.

Your dreams are at the ends of those positive, affirming, confident thoughts.  Chase those dreams down.  Welcome those dreams into your life.  Make room for them. 

Live the life of your dreams all because you thought you could,  and so you did.   

Who Are You?

How you identify yourself is part of your self esteem, your actions and even your happiness.  I think of myself as a do-er. That means that I do things--all kinds of things at work, at home, in my personal life, with my fitness goals and my writing.  It also means that I do not crumble even in the face of adversity.  It is a badge I wear proudly, and it guides my actions which say "keep going"!

There are also certain identifiers that I don't wish to have.  When my daughter, Natalie, had AML (cancer) as an infant, and I was living with her in Children's Hospital of Minnesota, the Social Worker on the Oncology Unit held a "Cancer Moms" group every week.  I told her clearly I do NOT want to be a cancer mom.  That's not who I am.  I told her kindly that I was not ever going to attend that meeting, and I thought it was disrespectful to Natalie.  The crisis of our lives that changed us forever--please, do not name me that way.  I was simply Natalie's mom.  

By identifying with certain titles or roles, we naturally take on the actions of those roles.  The things we are most proud of, we talk about and weave into conversations.  We might even create a day around those things.  For example, if I say I am a gardener, then that means I garden.  I work with the dirt, seeds, plants, flowers, bees, Miracle Grow, trees, vegetables, soil.  That means I want you to know that I am someone who takes this hobby seriously, and when you see me in dirty jeans on a summer Saturday you know it's likely because I've been digging in my garden not because I forgot to do laundry.

What if you would like to be--someday--somehow that person who is a do-er or a gardener or an exerciser or a meditator?  You start by doing what it takes.  You remember that you may have done some of this before.  Have you ever gardened?  Have you ever planted?  Have you been to the garden store and gazed through the options?  Do you want this to be part of your life and your identity?  Then, keep doing those things, and start introducing that title to yourself in your head and to your friends and family.  And then, keep going!  Seal the deal.  Make it real.  Make it about you.  Make it a part of you.  Make it a part of your identity.  Wear the badge!  Feel the pride.  

In these covid times, it is more important than ever to gaze inward and see what's there.  We are not going to get our affirmation from the external world.  The external world is in chaos.  The overdoing of precovid life has been turned upside down.  It is incumbent upon us all to figure out a new way of doing things.  We have the time, the stillness, the opportunity to look at what is in front of us, or what is in us and decide.  

This is part of our coping strategy for getting through this mess--and coming out of it better on the other side.   Take time this week to list all the words that identify who you are--and who you might like to be.  Write them down.  Consider what they mean.  Then, take action on a few of your identifiers.  Notice how it feels.  Does it give you a sense of purpose?  Does it create an agenda?  Does it frame your day?  Tell me about it when you know.  I want to hear.