Plan to Be OK Now

It's no joke.  Covid fatigue and frustration are here.  So is the surge.  Don't even ask yourself if it could get worse, because we don't want to know the answer to that one.  As I write this, I am thinking of my former home (Chicago) going into lockdown for a month.  So what does that leave us with?  How are we supposed to practice health and wellness lifestyle tips and stay positive with a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset and keep going with so much chaos?

The answer came to me at my workout yesterday. The coach started the workout by quoting Winston Churchill.  "Success is not final.  Failure is not fatal.  It is the courage to continue that counts."  That courage to continue and be ok with what comes--is where we are right now.  

With Thanksgiving only two weeks away, it is becoming painfully clear how different this will be from other years for most of us.  Yet, that is precisely the problem.  This is Thanksgiving 2020.  Comparing this holiday to years gone by robs us of the joy we might find in the present moment.  

I say yes to planning for things to go well.  I say yes to keeping the traditions that will serve you and keep the holiday meaningful to you.  I say yes to starting a new tradition or planning a new activity.  I say no to overeating and excess.  It just won't help.  

It is always a practice to stay in the present moment.  It is always a challenge to not focus on the past or the future.  They have no power, yet they preoccupy us and trouble us and make us depressed and anxious.  Free yourself to be ok--or even better than ok--but OK about what happens this year with holidays so that you can actually enjoy whatever surprises might come your way.  

Who Are You?

How you identify yourself is part of your self esteem, your actions and even your happiness.  I think of myself as a do-er. That means that I do things--all kinds of things at work, at home, in my personal life, with my fitness goals and my writing.  It also means that I do not crumble even in the face of adversity.  It is a badge I wear proudly, and it guides my actions which say "keep going"!

There are also certain identifiers that I don't wish to have.  When my daughter, Natalie, had AML (cancer) as an infant, and I was living with her in Children's Hospital of Minnesota, the Social Worker on the Oncology Unit held a "Cancer Moms" group every week.  I told her clearly I do NOT want to be a cancer mom.  That's not who I am.  I told her kindly that I was not ever going to attend that meeting, and I thought it was disrespectful to Natalie.  The crisis of our lives that changed us forever--please, do not name me that way.  I was simply Natalie's mom.  

By identifying with certain titles or roles, we naturally take on the actions of those roles.  The things we are most proud of, we talk about and weave into conversations.  We might even create a day around those things.  For example, if I say I am a gardener, then that means I garden.  I work with the dirt, seeds, plants, flowers, bees, Miracle Grow, trees, vegetables, soil.  That means I want you to know that I am someone who takes this hobby seriously, and when you see me in dirty jeans on a summer Saturday you know it's likely because I've been digging in my garden not because I forgot to do laundry.

What if you would like to be--someday--somehow that person who is a do-er or a gardener or an exerciser or a meditator?  You start by doing what it takes.  You remember that you may have done some of this before.  Have you ever gardened?  Have you ever planted?  Have you been to the garden store and gazed through the options?  Do you want this to be part of your life and your identity?  Then, keep doing those things, and start introducing that title to yourself in your head and to your friends and family.  And then, keep going!  Seal the deal.  Make it real.  Make it about you.  Make it a part of you.  Make it a part of your identity.  Wear the badge!  Feel the pride.  

In these covid times, it is more important than ever to gaze inward and see what's there.  We are not going to get our affirmation from the external world.  The external world is in chaos.  The overdoing of precovid life has been turned upside down.  It is incumbent upon us all to figure out a new way of doing things.  We have the time, the stillness, the opportunity to look at what is in front of us, or what is in us and decide.  

This is part of our coping strategy for getting through this mess--and coming out of it better on the other side.   Take time this week to list all the words that identify who you are--and who you might like to be.  Write them down.  Consider what they mean.  Then, take action on a few of your identifiers.  Notice how it feels.  Does it give you a sense of purpose?  Does it create an agenda?  Does it frame your day?  Tell me about it when you know.  I want to hear.